


Contemptible Hearts

by moonlightszn, sunlightszn, twilightszn



Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Based on a Tumblr Post, Canon LGBTQ Character, Canon LGBTQ Male Character, College, Fluff, Gay Logan, Group Texting, Group chat, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Humor, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Multi, Other, Pan Patton, Possible Spoilers, Prinxiety - Freeform, Sanders Sides - Freeform, Slow Burn, Swearing, Weird Plot Shit, Work In Progress, also maybe joan and talyn, and Thomas, bi remy, bi roman, but shhhh, first fic, gay deceit, gay virgil, gaylords are in town, i have returned, logans in love love, logicality - Freeform, oh yeah deceit, pan remus, poly emile, possible angst, probably gonna be angst at some point ngl, remile - Freeform, remy and emile at some point, shitposting pretty much, texting fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2019-08-20 22:26:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16564301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightszn/pseuds/moonlightszn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlightszn/pseuds/sunlightszn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightszn/pseuds/twilightszn
Summary: hi enjoy this sanders sides college AU group texting fic!! i promise it's actually okayalot of this stuff is based off of my friends and i so we're obviously pretty ,,, lit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, famcomments and kudos are appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 :)author: sunlightszncoauthor(s): moonlightszn, twilightszn





	1. gucci gang B)

**Author's Note:**

> hehe pls leave kudos they're very appreciated!!! - sunlightszn
> 
> added moonlightszn as a coauthor 11/13/18 :)
> 
> What is up fanciful fantasies! We are gonna have a great time here, trust me! - moonlightszn
> 
> added twilightszn as a coauthor 12/23/18 :)
> 
> bitches aint shit but hoes are where its at - twilightszn

 

_bagelbitch added Logan and dadaintright to the chat._

_bagelbitch named the chat 'swaglords'._

 

**Logan:** What is this?

 

**dadaintright:** roman... why is your name...????

 

**bagelbitch:** what do you m

 

**bagelbitch:** NO I FORGOT TO CHANGE IT 

 

**bagelbitch:** ABORT ABORT

 

**Logan:** What kind of conversation could you have possibly been having where you had to name yourself 'bagelbitch'?

 

_bagelbitch changed their name to princeroman <3._

 

**Logan:** Is the heart emoji necessary?

 

**dadaintright:**  aw i like that name, the heart adds something nice to it :)

 

**princeroman <3:** exactly

 

**princeroman <3:** annnnyways i made this chat so we can send eachother memes even though we all live in the same dorm

 

**Logan:**  I do not want to be in this chat.

 

**dadaintright:**  c'mon!!!!! it'll be fun, now we can all talk whenever we want and i can send my dad jokes in here!!

 

**Logan:**  No, thanks.

 

_Logan has left the chat._

 

_princeroman <3 added Logan to the chat._

 

**Logan:**  Really

 

_princeroman <3 renamed Logan 'PocketProtecter'._

 

**PocketProtecter:**  REALLY

 

**dadaintright:**  be nice guys:( it's only been like er... 5 minutes

 

**princeroman <3:** Logan if you don't stay i'm going to tell Patton what happened yesterday

 

**dadaintright:**  ???

 

**PocketProtecter:**  NO. Don't worry nothing happened. Just guys being dudes.

 

**princeroman <3:** very casual

 

**princeroman <3:** guys where'd you go

 

**princeroman <3:** guys

 

**princeroman <3:** wow RUDE guess who's not making his great aunt's famous lasagna today

 

\----

 

_swaglords_

 

**dadaintright:**  GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYSG SUSYS

 

**dadaintright:**  you know how we're getting a new dorm buddy!??!??!!??!?!?

 

**dadaintright:**  ok i'm going to pretend like i'm getting responses

 

**dadaintright:**  I MET HIM ALREADY AND GOT HIS NUMBER HE'S SO TINY AND NERVOUS AND ADORABLE OMGOGMOG 

 

**dadaintright:**  i'm going to protect him with!! my!! life!!!

 

**PocketProtecter:**  It seems like you have taken a liking to him.

 

**PocketProtecter:**  Also, he can't be much smaller than you, Patton. You're the shortest of the trio of us.

 

**dadaintright:**  listen-

 

**PocketProtecter:**  ?

 

**princeroman <3:** ? is that it?

 

**dadaintright:**  i was going to defend myself but i forgot what i was going to say so i just stopped typing

 

**PocketProtecter:**  Okay.

 

**princeroman <3:** anyways, patton. shall we add our new dorm buddy to the chat?

 

**dadaintright:**  um

 

**dadaintright:**  OF COURSE

 

_dadaintright added haunter._

 

**princeroman <3:** is that username a pokemon name

 

**haunter:**  why is this chat named swaglords who is responsible for this

 

**haunter:**  also wHO ARE YOU PEOPLE

 

**princeroman <3:** ok just ignore my question then RUDE

 

**dadaintright:**  HI!!!! I'M PATTON THE ONE YOU MET TODAY WE'RE YOUR NEW DORM MATES!1!!1!!! <3 <3

 

_haunter changed their name to marvelouslymaleficent._

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  i like disney villians

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  hi patton! who are the other people here??

 

**PocketProtecter:**  I'm Logan. Are you short?

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  am i what

 

**princeroman <3:** i'm Roman, the good looking one. you'll know when you meet me ;)

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  patton please help i don't like the ugly one

 

**princeroman <3:** i'm the ugly one aren't i

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  (:

 

**PocketProtecter:**  Why do you put your smiley faces backwards? It is supposed to be :) not (:.

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  ):<

 

**dadaintright:**  c'mon guuuyyyyss!!! be nice to virgil he's going to be living with us for a while which i am vERY EXCITED FOR. my new son

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  wait new?? son??

 

**PocketProtecter:**  New?

 

**dadaintright:**  :) :) :)

 

**princeroman <3:** how dare you call me ugly. i am not some bread roll to hold you over while you wait for your dinner. i am the MAIN COURSE!!!

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  you're like internet explorer....so slow..,,, we already moved on from that conversation

 

**princeroman <3:** WOW OKAY

 

**PocketProtecter:**  Haha. Very nice.

 

**dadaintright:**  i wear the pants in this house so pants off, everyone, and listen up!!! stop arguing or logans pants never come back

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  i think that's an expression?

 

**princeroman <3:** wait what???

 

**PocketProtecter:**  Patton, where are my pants? I need those for today, I can't go to class in my pajamas.

 

**PocketProtecter:**  Patton?

 

**dadaintright:**  i don't remember where i put them

 

**PocketProtecter:**  HOW DID YOU TAKE ALL OF MY PANTS? WHERE ARE THEY?

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  wh

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  wat the fuk is happenign

 

**princeroman <3:** i'm wheezign what is GOINg oN

 

**PocketProtecter:**  HE LEFT THE DORM. HE RAN FROM ME. DOWN THE HALLWAY.

 

**dadaintright:**  SRRY IDK WHERE YOUR PANTS ARE

 

**PocketProtecter:**  WHERE ARE YOU?

 

**dadaintright:**  IF I TELL YOU I'LL NEVER LIVE TO SEE TOMORROW

 

**princeroman <3:** GUYS WHATTT IS THAPPENING

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  lmaooo

 

_PocketProtecter sent an image._

 

**princeroman <3:** IS THAT A UNICORN ONESIE OMG

 

**marvelouslymaleficent:**  whaAAtt

 

**dadaintright:**  hey!!! we bought onesies together i didn't know you actually wore it!!! <3 :D

 

**PocketProtecter:**  ... It's very comfortable. But it is not something I want to wear to my lecture. WHERE ARE MY PANTS?

 

**PocketProtecter:**  Patton.

 

**PocketProtecter:**  Guys?

 

**PocketProtecter:**  My pants?


	2. additional admiration//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dadaintright: the banjo?
> 
>  
> 
> dadaintright: i used to know how to play the banjo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! all of the positive feedback is making me so happy so tysm <3 <3 <3 everyones so nice!!
> 
> aaaannyways i'm trying to think of a new name for this fic, and i literally have like one at most so if you guys could leave suggestions we could maybe have a poll?? :)
> 
> enjoy
> 
> i hope i get on a normal update schedule soon oops

_8:01am_

_swaglords_

 

_marvelouslymaleficent changed their name to onthevirgeoftears._

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** fellas

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** i really don't want to go to class i just want to eat toast and sleep

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** does anyone know how to induce a coma on themselves that'll last for like a week

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Just hit your head really hard.

 

 **dadaintright:** please don't support this Logan

 

 **dadaintright:** ALSO VIRGIL I LIKE THE PUN IN YOUR NAME except its a little worrying??? and also the fact you want to be put into a coma

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** literally who doesnt

 

 **princeroman <3:** me? I don't??

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Does anyone want a milkshake from McDonald's? If so, what flavor? I'm out and we might as well kill two birds with one stone.

 

 **dadaintright:** ??? its ??? 8 ??? in the morning??????????

 

 **princeroman <3:** YES! VANILLA!

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** sure,,, if its not too much trouble i'll get chocolate

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Alright. Patton? Do you want one?

 

 **dadaintright:** i'm offended you would have to ask twice

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Chocolate?

 

 **dadaintright:**    :)

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** aw you know his milkshake order how romantic

 

 **princeroman <3:** gay

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** arent you gay

 

 **PocketProtecter:** No, I'm being a good friend.

 

 **dadaintright:** BEST friend!!!

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Correction: I'm being a good BEST friend.

 

 **princeroman <3:** ok but wheres my fuckigng milkshake

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** hey

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** watch ur fucking mouth in front of patton

 

 **dadaintright:** stop!! swearing!! you hooligans

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Okay, I'm on my way to the library if anyone wants to get their milkshake. If you don't get it, Patton's going to drink it.

 

 **dadaintright:** yea!!

 

 **princeroman <3:** i am sprinting i really want a milkshake im actually running across campus h

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** he died before he could finish his sentence

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** oh

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** i'm on my way too, except i'm walking

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** WHAT THE FUCKCKCKDK

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:**  I THINK ROMAN JUST SPRINTED PAST ME THIS IS MY FIRST IMPRESSION OF HIM I CANT BREATHE IM WHEEZIG

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** WAS THAT HIM

 

 **PocketProtecter:** WHY IS HE RUNNING SO FAST? HE'S ALREADY IN THE LIBRARY.

 

 **princeroman <3:** how'd patton get here before me wtf

 

 **dadaintright:** i was already here i just convinced Logan to come to the library

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** i'm still laughing how do  you run that fast

 

 **princeroman <3:** i was on the track team in high school so i guess you can say i'm incredibly handsome and quick

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** ??? what does that have to do with track

 

 **princeroman <3:** nothing i'm just handsome and i run fast

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Virgil, don't you have class?

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** yeah i gotta grab the milkshake and go, i'm in the library btw

 

\---

 

_6:28pm_

 

 **dadaintright:** virgils moving in tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! i am EXCITE

 

 **PocketProtecter:** I have to admit, I am quite excited for Virgil to move in as well.

 

 **princeroman <3:** i'm excited but i feel like he's gonna pull a patton and steal my pants if he gets mad at me

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** i wont

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** maybe

 

 **PocketProtecter:**  Oh, to clear things up for you, Virgil, I got my pants back.

 

 **PocketProtecter:** How, you may ask?

 

 **princeroman <3:** my  god just say it already you nerd

 

 **dadaintright:** :) i came back and he hid my cardigan but then i got sad so he gave it back to me and i told him where his pants were

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** where were they???

 

 **PocketProtecter:**  In the freezer.

 

 **PocketProtecter:** I literally had to de-frost my pants.

 

 **dadaintright:** but Logan forgives me

 

 **dadaintright:** right Logan? :)

 

 **PocketProtecter:** I suppose so.

 

 **princeroman <3:** ew

 

...

 

_princeroman <3 added onthevirgeoftears to the chat._

 

 **princeroman <3:** "best friends" no homo

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:**  you said it not me

 

 **princeroman <3:** logans got a PHAT CRUSH but i dont think he knows

 

 **princeroman <3:** deadass how does that happen

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** tbh i have no idea

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** do you think patton likes logan like that tho

 

 **princeroman <3:** mmm

 

 **princeroman <3:** not sure yet

 

...

 

_swaglords_

 

 **princeroman <3:** please dont steal my pants virgil

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Steal his pants.

 

 **dadaintright:** i'll support anything my dark strange son does

 

 **dadaintright:** if you need a body to hide i gotchu virgil

 

 **PocketProtecter:** I actually know how to hide a body, if you want help that won't get you arrested.

 

 **dadaintright:** just because i'm trying to major in interior design and not forensic science like mr. smarty pants over here doesn't mean i can't hide a body :(

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** i didn't know you were majoring in interior design?? thats cool

 

 **dadaintright:** i'm actually double majoring!!! interior design and organic farming because i couldn't choose one

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** woah thats cool!! why can i see you having a farm

 

 **PocketProtecter:** I am trying to be the next Sherlock.

 

 **dadaintright:** i'm watson

 

 **princeroman <3:** once logan and patton dressed up as sherlock and watson to try to find out who ate all of the marshmellows

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** who ate them

 

 **princeroman <3:** logan

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** HA

 

 **PocketProtecter:** STOP. I WAS REALLY TIRED. I DIDN'T KNOW.

 

 **dadaintright:** ekekekeekke

 

 **princeroman <3:** also nobody asked but i'm majoring in theatre

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** i'm pretty sure thats a surprise to no one

 

_onthevirgeoftears changed princeroman <3's name to sirsingalot._

 

 **sirsingalot:** jokes on you

 

 **sirsingalot:** i like this name

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** ew

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** of course you do

 

 **dadaintright:** i mean it suits him

 

 **PocketProtecter:** Quite.

 

\---

 

_4:45am._

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** wheres my uber taking me haha

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** jk i woke up in a cold sweat after having a dream about playing the banjo so 

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** idk what that was about

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** ok i'm going to shleep now

 

\---

_6:28am._

 

 **dadaintright:** the banjo?

 

 **dadaintright:** i used to know how to play the banjo

 

 **dadaintright:** anyways i'm making waffles so

 

 **dadaintright:** wait nobodys awake

 

\---

 

_8:46am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** wtf guys

 


	3. bigotry bagels (:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sirsingalot: y'all i think i almost got arrested
> 
>  
> 
> onthevirgeoftears: w ha t
> 
>  
> 
> dadaintright: not again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey gang sorry i literally have the worst updating schedule ever!!! moonlightszn is trying to get me on a good schedule but the both of us are busy, it's the end of our marching season (finals on saturday) so i'm squeezing out this chapter!! this is more of a filler <3
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated! 
> 
> i think i might do thursday or friday updates?  
> \- sunlightszn
> 
> I promise that I will get sunlightszn on a good schedule y'all I swear! For now until most likely Sunday and/or 2 weeks from now the schedule will be Friday's as normal schedule and Thursday's if we need to squeeze one out. Thank you for your patience my fanciful fantasies! -moonlightszn
> 
> “squeeze one out” sounds like we’re pooping HAHAHAH - sunlightszn

_11:09am._

 

_swaglords_

 

 **sirsingalot** : y'all i think i almost got arrested

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : w ha t

 

 **dadaintright** : not again

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : AGAIN????? WGAT

 

 **PocketProtecter** : He was almost arrested last year for streaking after our friend, Remy, dared him to.

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : remy?? i think i know him?? we're in the same class but he's always sleeping

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : ALSO ROMAN WHY WOULD YOU STREAK ???

 

 **sirsingalot** : LISTEN i was going through ALOT OKAY

 

 **dadaintright** : well...

 

 **dadaintright** : what happened this time??

 

 **sirsingalot** : okay so basically i shoplifted

 

 **PocketProtecter** : You what?

 

 **sirsingalot** : LET ME FINISH SIR

 

 **sirsingalot** : i didn'T MEAN TO SHOPLIFT I ACCIDENTALLY DID IT

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : oh my god-

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : what did the police say

 

 **sirsingalot** : well the owner called the police and kept me in the backroom and i got put in handcuffs but when i explained they let me off with a warning?? idk

 

 **dadaintright** : YOU GOT PUT IN HANDCUFFS???

 

 **PocketProtecter** : Roman, what were you even "stealing"?

 

 **sirsingalot** : .... don't laugh

 

 **dadaintright** : no promises

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : no promises

 

 **PocketProtecter** : No promises.

 

 **sirsingalot** : wow ok

 

 **sirsingalot** : a shrek plushie

 

 **sirsingalot** : DONT LAUGH PLEASE

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : wh-

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : HAHAHAAHAHAHHA

 

 **dadaintright** : FHAAHHAHHA WHATTTTT

 

 **PocketProtecter** : HA.

 

 **sirsingalot** : WELL SINCE VIRGIL IS MOVING IN TODAY I DECIDED THE SHREK PLUSHIE COULD BE HIS PRESENT

 

 **onvirgeoftears** : wait present

 

 **sirsingalot** : ya we get whoever moves in a present

 

 **PocketProtecter** : Started by Patton and I.

 

 **dadaintright** : mhm! :)

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : awwwww roman you stole for me?? how Sweet

 

 **sirsingalot** shuT UP YOU BUFFOON

 

 **sirsingalot** : i said it was an accident >:(

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : haha but anyways yall dont have to get me anything, i don't wanna waste ur money

 

 **dadaintright** : well we want to! logan and i already got your presents today

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : ig

 

 **dadaintright** : which reminds me

 

 **dadaintright** : did you buy the shrek plushie??

 

 **sirsingalot** : yeah but i'm not ever allowed in that store again

 

 **PocketProtecter** : I can never be seen in public with you again.

 

 **PocketProtecter** : Also.

 

_PocketProtecter changed their name to Sherlock._

 

 **dadaintright** : OMG CAN I BE WATSON

 

 **Sherlock** : No.

 

 **dadaintright** : :(

 

 **sirsingalot** : let him be watson

 

 **Sherlock** : ...

 

 **Sherlock** : Fine.

 

 **dadaintright** : YAY THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_dadaintright changed their name to watson._

 

 **watson** : !!!!!!

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : PURE

 

 **sirsingalot** : RIGHT

 

\---

 

_sirsingalot added onthevirgeoftears to a chat._

 

 **sirsingalot** : GAY

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : S T O P

 

 **sirsingalot** : say it coward you know i'm right

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : LET THEM LIVE

 

 **sirsingalot:** FINE

 

\---

 

_9:34pm._

 

_swaglords_

 

 **watson:** hey gang i never say goodnight so goodnight!!! and wELCOME VIRGIL TO OUR LOVELY HOME

 

 **Sherlock:** Goodnight.

 

 **Sherlock:** ... gang.

 

 **watson:** yes!!!!!!!!!!! :)

 

\---

 

_5:44am._

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** milk 

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** patottn whereses the miL k

 

\---

 

_8:05am._

 

 **watson:** in the fridge, bottom left shelf

 

 **watson:** wait why were you up at 5:44am?????

 

 **Sherlock:** He wanted milk.

 

 **watson:**  weird flex but ok

 

 **Sherlock:** Is that another meme? I have to write it down.

 

 **watson:** ya

 

 **watson:** what do you want for breakfast?? i have time to make something before i leave

 

 **Sherlock:** You don't have to make anything, if you do let me help.

 

 **watson:** lets make HOMEMADE PANCAKES TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!

 

 **Sherlock:** Sure.

 

 **Sherlock:** How do you make a pancake?

 

\---

 

_10:45am._

 

 **watson:** ok new plan

 

 **watson:** we're having cereal if you smell something burning don't question it it'll go away after a while

 

 **sirsingalot:** what

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** im awake

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** sadly

 

 **Sherlock:**  ... Mood.

 

 **sirsingalot:** he used his vocab cards!!!

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** his what

 

 **sirsingalot:** we give him modern slang cards

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** ohhhh

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** anyways logan did you set the kitchen on fire

 

 **Sherlock:** Only the pan.

 

 **sirsingalot:** ONLY THE PAN

 

 **watson:** GRAB YOUR CEREAL WE DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** uh

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** WHY IS THERE A BAG OF FLOUR SPILLED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KITCHEN

 

 **watson:** GRAB YOUR CEREAL

 

 **Sherlock:** We have Cinnamon Toast Crunch.


	4. crippled crocs???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bestdad: AM I REALLY A DADDY???
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad: IS THAT A BAD THING///??????????
> 
>  
> 
> onthevirgeoftears: PATTON NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! i'm most likely going to be uploading fridays on this fic :) but i decided since i'm on break i could do one chapter <3 
> 
> this was just a lil humor chapter
> 
> comments and kudos are ALWAYS appreciated!!! thank you everyone who has read/left kudos/commented/bookmarked this story i love you aLL SO MUCH <3 <3!!!!!!!!!~ - sunlightszn

_11:52am._

 

_swaglords_

 

 

 **Sherlock** : Guys, can we please change the group chat name?

 

 **Sherlock** : Please?

 

 **watson** : well only because you asked nicely!!

 

_watson changed the group name to very nice people!_

 

 **watson** : is this good

 

 **Sherlock** : Honestly? It's not much butter.

 

 **sirsingalot** : butter?

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : BUTTER???

 

 **watson** : oh no

 

 **Sherlock** : I meant better.

 

_sirsingalot changed Sherlock's name to ButterBoy._

 

 **ButterBoy** : Not again, no more name changes. Especially not to this.

 

 **watson** : aw now i can't be watson

 

_onthevirgeoftears changed watson's name to bestdad._

 

 **bestdad** : AWWWWWW THANK YOU VIRGIL <3 <3 <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

 **bestdad** : at least SOMEONE can appreciate me being a dad

 

 **sirsingalot** : a daddy?

 

 **bestdad** : ??

 

 **ButterBoy** : ?

 

 **ButterBoy** : OH.

 

 **ButterBoy** : Who put that in my vocab cards?

 

 **bestdad** : ???????????????????????????????????????//

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : nobody explain it or i'll kill you on the spot

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : pattons too pure for you guys

 

 **bestdad** : ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

 **bestdad** : im confused

 

 **ButterBoy** : If someone tells him, I'll kill all of you, and then myself.

 

 **bestdad** : WH AT 

 

 **sirsingalot** : i'm going to tell him

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : NO

 

 **bestdad** : oh hi roman

 

 **bestdad** : and logan

 

 **bestdad** : why are you running at roman so fast

 

 **bestdad** : LOGAN NO

 

 **bestdad** : OH GOD VIRGILS HERE TOO

 

 **bestdad** : I JUST WANTED TO WATCH TV PLEASE GUYS

 

 **bestdad** : oh wait you cant see these texts

 

 **bestdad** : OGNBINDMG NOO RomAN RUN

 

\---

 

_12:30pm._

 

 **sirsingalot** : THAT LASTED AN UNNECESSARILY LONG TIME

 

 **ButterBoy** : Virgil and I did what we had to.

 

 **sirsingalot** : you guys are lucky we're on break and i don't have to go anywhere

 

 **sirsingalot** : MY HAIR IS A MESS!!

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : well we warned you

 

 **bestdad** : i dont condone this behavior but yeah

 

 **bestdad** : they did warn you

 

 **bestdad** : what does daddy mean

 

 **bestdad** : tell me or i'll look it up

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : 

 

 **ButterBoy** :

 

 **sirsingalot** :

 

 **sirsingalot** : well now i'm too scared to say anything so

 

 **bestdad** : okay :) let :) me :) get :) my :) laptop :)

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : SOMEONE STOP HIM

 

 **ButterBoy** : YOU DO IT.

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : but i dont want to fight him

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : have you seen him

 

 **ButterBoy** : ...Yeah.

 

\---

 

_sirsingalot added onthevirgeoftears to a chat._

 

 **sirsingalot** : GAY

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : are you just going to say that everytime something slightly homosexual happens

 

 **sirsingalot** : i'm ashamed you would think less of me??

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : :/

 

\---

 

 **bestdad** : okay i have my laptop!!

 

 **ButterBoy** : Patton, please...

 

 **bestdad** : :) ??

 

 **sirsingalot** : you don't have to do this.......

 

 **sirsingalot** : please

 

 **sirsingalot** : i really dont want to get attacked again

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : padre

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : padre please

 

 **bestdad** : owo?

 

 **ButterBoy** : ew

 

 **bestdad** : ok i'm looking it up

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : oh no no no

 

 **sirsingalot** : this is it boys

 

 **ButterBoy** : Patton.

 

 **ButterBoy** : I am so sorry..

 

 **bestdad** : ...

 

 **bestdad** : wh

 

 **bestdad** : why would you say that roman

 

 **bestdad** : AM I REALLY A DADDY???

 

 **bestdad** : IS THAT A BAD THING///??????????

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : PATTON NO

 

 **sirsingalot** : WELL

 

 **sirsingalot** : it's not a bad thing

 

 **sirsingalot** : but you aren't a daddy unless you have a secret thing i dont know about

 

 **ButterBoy** : That made me uncomfortable.

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : i second that

 

 **bestdad** : i can be a daddy if you guys want

 

 **ButterBoy** : NO THANKS.

 

 **sirsingalot** : NO ITS FINE

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : HAHA NO ITS OKKAYYY

 

 **bestdad** : well if you insist

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : anyways

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : roman

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : how dare you

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : expose patton to the world like this

 

 **sirsingalot** : PLEASE DONT ATTACK ME I SAID I WAS SORRY LIKE 8529853 TIMES

 

 **ButterBoy** : Actually, you only said sorry about 76 times. I counted.

 

 **sirsingalot** : WHY WOULD YOU COUNT

 

 **ButterBoy** : Honestly, I'm not sure.

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : thats really funny to me idk why

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : like i'm actually laughing

 

 **bestdad** : AW HE IS

 

 **bestdad** : THIS IS PURE

 

 **ButterBoy** : I can hear you two laughing from my room.

 

 **sirsingalot** : AW that's cute

 

\---

 

_sirsingalot added ButterBoy to a chat._

 

 **sirsingalot** : so.... logan

 

 **sirsingalot** : my dear teacher

 

 **ButterBoy** : What do you want now?

 

 **sirsingalot** : r u gay for patton

 

 **ButterBoy** : Excuse me?

 

 **sirsingalot** : ah

 

 **sirsingalot** : my apologies

 

 **sirsingalot** : are you perhaps feeling homosexual tendencies towards our loving dad character?

 

 **ButterBoy** : That's even worse.

 

 **sirsingalot** : well you didn't deny it

 

 **sirsingalot** : logan

 

 **sirsingalot:** GAY


	5. demonic despacitos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> darkstrangeson: i'm in here too???? where are you??????????
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: oh hey i'm right next to you
> 
>  
> 
> darkstrangeson: WHAT THE FUCK
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: STOP SCREAMING ITS JUST ME
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: OH GODOFDSIGH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! sorry this is a late update i was really feelin like poopy yesterday  
> aaanyyywaysss!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you so much for us hitting 550 hits and 100 kudos!!! we luv you so much <3  
> comments and kudos, as always, are appreciated <3 <3
> 
> thank you for reading this dumb little story (and how about thomas's new videos?? wowie)  
> \- sunlightszn
> 
> What's up my fanciful fantasies! First off thank you for 550 hits and 100 kudos! Anything y'all give us is soooooo appreciated! Also thank you for the short bittersweet patients. sunlightszn was very much having a bad time yesterday but i'm happy that they are better now! And last but not lest, shameless promotion! YAY! I"m starting a new story called Carpe Nocturnum. I plan to update it on Wednesdays but i want to finish the first chapter as soon as possible so y'all can get a feel of it so if it sounds interesting go check it out when its done! That's all for now, i hope everyone had a good day! Love y'all! - moonlightszn

_3:33am._

 

_very nice people!_

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** i came here to say something but then i noticed the name of this chat so

 

_onthevirgeoftears changed the group name to ghost hunters_

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** anyways we should go on one of those haunted tour things

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** like ,,, yknow Spooky Stuff

 

 **bestdad** : ouch

 

 **bestdad** : i would luv to go but i have so much homework :((((((

 

 **bestdad** : im thinking of not doing organic farming anymore and sticking with interior design

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : ah

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : do whatever makes you happy

 

 **bestdad** : i'll think about it :)

 

 **bestdad** : uh oh

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : ?

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : whats that smell

 

 **bestdad** : uh

 

 **bestdad** : could you come into the kitchen?? i tried to make ramen in the coffee maker and i broke everything

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : you what

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : i

 

 **onthevirgeoftears:** ok i'm coming

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : oh my god wh

 

\---

 

_5:46am._

 

 **ButterBoy** : Good morning, fools. I'm changing my name.

 

 **sirsingalot** : woah whats got you in this mood today

 

_ButterBoy changed their name to Logan._

 

 **sirsingalot** : hey thats boring

 

 **sirsingalot** : also

 

 **sirsingalot** : PATTON WHY DID YOU TRY TO MAKE RAMEN IN THE COFFEE MAKER

 

_sirsingalot changed Logan's name to MicrosoftNerd._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Why me?

 

 **sirsingalot** : i have a list of insults for you

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Okay, rude.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Anyways, I agree with Roman for once. Why was ramen put in the coffee maker?

 

 **bestdad** : haha well you see i was very tired 

 

 **bestdad** : i was up all night doing hw :(

 

 **bestdad** : so moral of the story is

 

 **bestdad** : we need a new coffee maker!

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : yeah we really do

 

 **onthevirgeoftears** : i witnessed it with my own two eyes

 

_bestdad changed onthevirgeoftears's name to darkstrangeson._

 

 **darkstrangeson** : alright

 

 **bestdad** : :) <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **sirsingalot** : well does someone want to come get a new coffee maker with me??

 

 **darkstrangeson** : mm

 

 **darkstrangeson** : ill come if we get milkshakes

 

 **bestdad** : wait i want a milkshake

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : I also want a milkshake.

 

 **sirsingalot** : then we can all come!!! family trip

 

 **bestdad** : OOOOHHHH WHOS WHO

 

 **bestdad** : IM THE DAD I CALL IT IM THE ONLY DAD

 

 **darkstrangeson** : JESUS OKAY

 

 **sirsingalot** : ahem,,

 

 **sirsingalot** : pattons the dad

 

 **bestdad** : YES

 

 **sirsingalot** : logans the mom

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Wait, what?

 

 **sirsingalot** : virgils the son

 

 **darkstrangeson** : figures

 

 **sirsingalot** : and i'm the cool aunt thats not actually related to you nerds

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Pardon.

 

 **bestdad** : ouch??????

 

 **darkstrangeson** : wow ok

 

 **sirsingalot** : nobody denied it

 

 **sirsingalot** : anyways i'll need only like 3 hours to get ready so brb

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : 3 hours? Are you kidding?

 

 **bestdad** : he's not..

 

 **darkstrangeson** : wh

 

 **darkstrangeson** : well does anyone want to watch a movie while we wait

 

 **bestdad** : ME!!!!!!

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Sounds satisfactory.

 

\---

 

_8:49am._

 

 **sirsingalot** : you...

 

 **sirsingalot** : YOU WATCHED MARY POPPINS WITHOUT ME

 

 **sirsingalot** : ILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU

 

\---

 

_10:03am._

 

 **bestdad** : i want sleep goodbe ye gang iim tireddhehe

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Bye, I'll wake you for lunch.

 

 **bestdad** : thank

 

 **darkstrangeson:** we didn't even get fuckinfign milkshakes

 

 **sirsingalot** : i'm going shopping with Remy and his boyfriend

 

 **sirsingalot** : virgil can you come with me i dont want to be a third wheel

 

 **darkstrangeson** : why doesnt logan go

 

 **sirsingalot** : no

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : No.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Remy is unbearable to be around for long periods of time, and constantly makes decisions that negatively effect the group. Emile's quite nice, but I never understand his references.

 

 **sirsingalot** : youre just mad because remy threw all of your ties in a lake a few years back

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : YEAH, I AM.

 

 **darkstrangeson** : why

 

 **sirsingalot** : he was very drunk

 

 **darkstrangeson** : ah

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Also, I can't go because I have work to do.

 

 **darkstrangeson** : i mean remy seems cool but ive never met emile

 

 **sirsingalot** : cmonnnnn theyre both great

 

 **darkstrangeson** : hh

 

 **darkstrangeson** : f i n e

 

 **sirsingalot** : YAY OKAY CMON LETS GO

 

 **darkstrangeson** : wait right n

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Roman killed you before you could finish typing.

 

 **darkstrangeson** : he dragged me out of the apartment

 

 **bestdad** : beeee nicece guys ss

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Go to bed.

 

 **bestdad** : alruthyt but if anny shenaniganss hapeppen im awawkeinig

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : No shenanigans. I'm a very serious person.

 

\---

 

_12:44pm._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : I ordered pizza for lunch, Patton.

 

 **bestdad** : IM AWAKE

 

 **bestdad** : PIZZA

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : I HEARD YOU LEAP OUT OF YOUR BED.

 

\---

 

_3:34pm._

 

 **darkstrangeson** : we're backk

 

 **sirsingalot** : hi

 

 **darkstrangeson** : guys

 

 **sirsingalot** : hm

 

 **sirsingalot** : oh

 

 **sirsingalot** : O H

 

 **sirsingalot** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **darkstrangeson** : what did you do now

 

 **sirsingalot** : oh i didn't do anything

 

 **sirsingalot** : look

 

 **darkstrangeson** : ok hold on im coming

 

 **darkstrangeson** : AW

 

 **sirsingalot** : GAY

 

 **darkstrangeson** : LET THEM CUDDLE AND SLEEP AND BE HAPPY

 

 **sirsingalot** : ALL I SAID WAS GAY

 

 **darkstrangeson** : YOU'RE GAY

 

 **sirsingalot** : YEAH SO

 

 **sirsingalot** : PEMDAS

 

 **darkstrangeson** : WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

 

 **sirsingalot** : IT CANCELS OUT

 

 **sirsingalot** : IF IM GAY AND I SAY GAY THE GAY CANCELS OUT

 

 **darkstrangeson** : GOODBYE I CAN'T HANDLE THIS I'M GOING TO MY ROOM

 

 **sirsingalot** : YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT

 

 **darkstrangeson** : STOP IM GOING TO LAUGH AND WAKE THEM UP

 

 **sirsingalot** : LAUGH YOU COWARD

 

 **sirsingalot** : i'm going to take a picture

 

 **sirsingalot** : OHF UCK THE FLASH WAS ON

 

 **darkstrangeson** : OH FUCKCUCKFCUK YOU DUMMY

 

 **darkstrangeson** : NO THEYRE WAKING UP

 

 **darkstrangeson** : RUN

 

 **sirsingalot** : OH SHIT

 

 **sirsingalot** : I CAN HEAR LOGANS ANGER

 

 **sirsingalot** : "ROMAN"

 

 **sirsingalot** : "COME BACK AND DELETE THE PICTURE NOW"

 

 **sirsingalot** : "WHERE ARE YOU TWO"

 

 **darkstrangeson** : WHERE ARE YOU HIDING

 

 **sirsingalot** : IN MY CLOSET

 

 **darkstrangeson** : wait

 

 **darkstrangeson** : how big is ur closet???

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i'm in here too???? where are you??????????

 

 **sirsingalot:** oh hey i'm right next to you

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **sirsingalot:** STOP SCREAMING ITS JUST ME

 

 **darkstrangeson** oh yeah hi r

 

 **sirsingalot** : OH GODOFDSIGH

 

 **darkstrangeson:** AHHHHSFHAH

 

 **darkstrangeson** : DID LOGAN JUST OPEN THE DOOR AND DRAG YOU OUT

 

 **darkstrangeson** : ROMAN

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OH GOD OH NO

 

 **darkstrangeson** : WHERE IS PATTON

 

 **darkstrangeson:** PATTON HELP

 

 **darkstrangeson** : P

 

 **darkstrangeson** : jkgfahFJJFASJKDDGH HEHPF

 

 **bestdad:** hu 

 

 **bestdad:** i jsut woke up where is everyone?? :)

 

 **bestdad:** why is virgil screaming

 

 **bestdad:** is valerie here

 

 **bestdad:** no wait that just roman

 

 **bestdad:** roman why are you screaming 

 

 **bestdad:** OH VIRGILS HERE

 

 **bestdad:** HHOH HEY LOGAN AND ROMAN

 

 **sirsingalot:** HHehHGDHKAB

\---

_3:55pm._

 

_sleepisfortheweak added darkstrangeson to the chat._

 

 **sleepisfortheweak** : virgil

 

 **sleepisfortheweak:** its remy

 

 **sleepisfortheweak:** patton gave me your number,,, uh are yall okay???? emile says he heard screaming coming from next door so yknow

 

 **sleepisfortheweak** : hun????

 

 **darkstrangeson** : REMY

 

 **darkstrangeson:** HELP

 

 **darkstrangeson:** LOGAN IS GONNA KILL ME I GOT AWAY FOR A SECOND BUT ROMAN WASN'T AS LUC

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OH MY AHAHKSGDBVKHFVK

 

 **sleepisfortheweak:**  oh hell no

 

 **sleepisfortheweak** : bye shishtar good luck LMAOOO


	6. eternal entities <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bestdad: ok i'm going to cry 
> 
>  
> 
> darkstrangeson: wait did i do something wRONG
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad: NONONON NO
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad: IM JUST VERY EMOTIONAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is angsty compared to usual
> 
> upload schedule?? we don't know her pfft-
> 
> anyways the reason i've not been uploading on fridays is usually because i always have a bad day on friday and idk why :( but ive been going thru some family stuff and i hope you can forgive me not sticking to my schedule oops :')
> 
> does anyone ever read these btw??
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated <3  
> -sunlightszn

_2:52pm._

 

_ghost hunters_

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Ahem. Ignoring yesterdays...fiasco.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Why are we called "ghost boys", Virgil?

 

 **darkstrangeson:** heh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** well

 

 **darkstrangeson:** before this idea was uh yknow thrown to the side i wanted to go to a spoooooky place

 

 **darkstrangeson:** like a ghost tour or something

 

 **sirsingalot:** virgil we are broke college students

 

 **bestdad:** i hate to be a downer :( but yeah we're broke

 

 **bestdad:** and i still have so much hw i'm very stressed!!

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Agreed.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Also, Patton, if you ever need assistance with your homework, I would be glad to help.

 

 **bestdad:** thanks Logan !! but i think i'll be fine for now i just have to focus on what i'm doing :)

 

 **sirsingalot:** i too have to rehearse for an upcoming performance i have

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ok

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you guys are lame

 

 **bestdad:** hey >:(

 

 **darkstrangeson:** except you patton

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you're a good guy

 

 **bestdad:** :) <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **sirsingalot:** ok i should be offended that you called me lame

 

 **sirsingalot:** and i am

 

 **sirsingalot:** but that was pure

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Very.

 

 **bestdad:** ok i have to do my hw bye guys :(((((((((((((

 

 **sirsingalot:** farewell padre :') see you on the other side

 

 **darkstrangeson:** peace out

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Bye, Patton.

 

\---

 

_bestdad added darkstrangeson to the chat._

 

 **bestdad:** virgil

 

 **bestdad:** my sweet summer child

 

 **darkstrangeson:** what the

 

 **bestdad:** oh thank god

 

 **bestdad:** i dropped out of my double major and im scared Logan will be mad at me hh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wait

 

 **darkstrangeson:** why would he be mad at you??????

 

 **bestdad:** well i don't exactly know if he would be mad rather than disappointed and i REALLy dont want him to be either :(

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah but why would he?? am confuse

 

 **bestdad:** ok so in middle school/high school Logan was my tutor and now that i get good grades he's really proud of me and

 

 **bestdad:** HHHHHH

 

 **bestdad:** i just didnt want to double major anymore because it was making me so stressed and

 

 **bestdad:** :( i feel like hes going to hate me

 

 **darkstrangeson:** woah woah woah ok

 

 **darkstrangeson:** first of all

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i dont think logan would hate you for dropping out of your double major

 

 **darkstrangeson:** honestly i dont think he would hate you for anything

 

 **darkstrangeson:** also if it makes your mental health better why not do it

 

 **darkstrangeson:** cut the negativity out of ur life :)

 

 **darkstrangeson:** thats what i did

 

 **bestdad:** yeahh youre right but im still scared :(

 

 **bestdad:** this isn't a big deal oops

 

 **bestdad:** yeah ill be fine

 

 **bestdad:** thanks Virgil :)))))

 

 **bestdad:** im glad i came to you, you're really good at helping people

 

 **darkstrangeson:** no problem pat

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you deserve the best :)

 

 **bestdad:** ok i'm going to cry 

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wait did i do something wRONG

 

 **bestdad:** NONONON NO

 

 **bestdad:** IM JUST VERY EMOTIONAL

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OH GOD DONT CRY WHERE ARE YOU

 

 **bestdad:** IN MY ROOM

 

 **darkstrangeson:** IM COMING HOLD ON

 

\---

 

_3:45pm._

 

_ghost hunters_

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Why has Patton been crying for 15 minutes?

 

 **sirsingalot:** if i knew the answer i wouldn't be trying to pry it out of virgil as we text

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Where is everyone?

 

 **sirsingalot:** in pattons room

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'm coming in.

 

 **bestdad:** hey its like a party

 

 **bestdad:** :)

 

 **sirsingalot:** why are you crying tell me now

 

 **bestdad:** no its good they're happy tears

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Oh, I feel like you could've specified.

 

\---

 

_7:23pm._

 

 **bestdad:** ah

 

 **bestdad:** what the fuck

 

 **sirsingalot:** EXCUSE ME

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WHAT.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OWHAHAOWAHHWOAHH

 

 **darkstrangeson:** PATTON SAID FUCK

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Well, he texted it, but I see where you're coming from.

 

 **sirsingalot:** PATTON WHAT

 

 **bestdad:** SORRY I'M JUST REALLY ANGRY

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** 9 years.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** 9 years and this is the first time I've seen you swear.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Besides that one time at Disney.

 

 **sirsingalot:** wait-

 

 **sirsingalot:** patton swore,,,

 

 **sirsingalot:** AT DISNEY?\?????

 

 **darkstrangeson:** honestly pattons a legend

 

 **bestdad:** this person thinks they're so High And Mighty because he gets good grades and i Dont anymore

 

 **bestdad:** he thinks he's better than me,,,

 

 **bestdad:** yet...

 

 **bestdad:** he came up to me while i was sitting in the library (trying to study)

 

 **bestdad:** asked me what my name was

 

 **bestdad:** asked me on a date

 

 **bestdad:** and when i said no

 

 **bestdad:** because hes a meanie

 

 **bestdad:** he called me

 

 **bestdad:** and i quote

 

 **bestdad:** "a fucking bitch who doesn't know a dateable guy when he sees one"

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** who is he

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i just want to talk

 

 **bestdad:** and then he was just insulting me and honestly this is not my best day i just want to Sleep and/or watch a movie

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Do you know who it was?

 

 **bestdad:** yeah but i don't want you guys going after him

 

 **sirsingalot:** well why not??? hes a lil bitch padre :(

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i agree

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Me as well.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** You know what he said isn't true, right, Patton?

 

 **bestdad:** yeah i guess

 

 **darkstrangeson:** are you on your way home

 

 **bestdad:** yeah

 

 **sirsingalot:** :( do you want to watch bambi

 

 **bestdad:** yeah

 

 **darkstrangeson:** :(

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Then, it's decided. We'll all watch Bambi together to cheer Patton up.

 

 **sirsingalot:** i can make popcorn

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i can provide moral support

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'll put the movie in.

 

 **bestdad:** aCk

 

 **bestdad:** guys i'm cryin you guys are the best i really have not been happy lately haha

 

\---

 

_9:56pm._

 

_sirsingalot added MicrosoftNerd and darkstrangeson to a chat._

 

 **sirsingalot:** ok he's asleep

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i'm going to murder whoever said that to him wtf

 

 **darkstrangeson:** patton's too nice to be treated like this

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'm concerned.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** As of late, have you both noticed Patton's been acting strange?

 

 **sirsingalot:** kind of

 

 **sirsingalot:** i brushed it off though

 

 **darkstrangeson:** he did talk to me the other day about something but it's private

 

 **darkstrangeson:** he'll tell you guys soon

 

 **sirsingalot:** I WILL SLAY WHOEVER DID THIS TO PATTON

 

 **darkstrangeson:** and i will help

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Hm. I'm afraid he's been really stressed and I've only ever been seeing him do homework. Or locking himself in his room. Or being nice to us. I think, maybe, he's putting too much pressure on himself to be cheerful and make sure everyone in our little...group is feeling better; yet he's been neglecting his on feelings. I also theorize that something else has been going on.

 

 **sirsingalot:** woah

 

 **darkstrangeson:** but like

 

 **darkstrangeson:** what

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I don't know.

 

\---

 

_11:12pm._

 

 **bestdad:** woah i just woke up haha

 

 **bestdad:** i have to go do homework dang

 

 **bestdad:** oh

 

 **bestdad:** everyones sleeping??

 

 **bestdad:** alrighty :)

 

\---

 

_3:30am._

 

 **bestdad:** :(

 

 


	7. fRICKING fRICKS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \---
> 
>  
> 
> 8:01pm.
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad: me me a big boy
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> 10:58pm.
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: what is wrong with us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hOWDY!!! look i actually uploaded on a friday because i have winterguard rehearsal tomorrow so huhuhu
> 
> life is going okay except i have exams next week and i am Very Scared 
> 
> we're almost at 1000 hit so WOO YEEHAW PARTNERS !! this is a fun chapter bc last chapter was angst fest and it's a bit short because i am TIRED
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated!!!!! :) <3  
> -sunlightszn

_5:45pm._

 

_ghost hunters_

 

**bestdad:** ok time to brush aside that fiasco for a second!!

 

**bestdad:** i have a confession to make

 

**darkstrangeson:** is this what i think it is

 

**sirsingalot:** wtf is poppin fellas

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** I wish I knew. 

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Wait.

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Why does Virgil know?

 

**darkstrangeson:** i'm trustworthy

 

**sirsingalot:** UM

 

**sirsingalot:** IM trustworthy

 

**bestdad:** yeah i know i know its just virgil is like my son and i have to keep a close bond with him as his father

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** You two aren't related...

 

**bestdad:** shh

 

**bestdad:** ANYWAYS

 

**bestdad:** breathes in

 

**bestdad:** I DROPPED OUT OF MY DOUBLE MAJOR PLEASE DONT BE MAD AT ME GUYS

 

**bestdad:** IT WAS MAKING ME STRESSED

 

**bestdad:** so yeah heh

 

**sirsingalot:** aw padre why didn't you tell us sooner

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** I agree, did you really believe we would be mad at you? Mental health is very important, Patton. How do you expect to get good grades in your other classes if you're stressed about one specific one?

 

**bestdad:** honestly i don't even know

 

**bestdad:** thats why i dropped it

 

**darkstrangeson:** see patton

 

**darkstrangeson:** i told you it wouldnt be a big deal

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Yeah, we're not mad at you.

 

**sirsingalot:** do whatever makes you happy!!

 

**bestdad:** okay well when you put it that way..

 

**bestdad:** can we get a pet

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** No.

 

**sirsingalot:** sure

 

**darkstrangeson:** thats chill

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** No! Not chill. What kind of pet would we even get? Would we have time for it? Or the money?

 

**bestdad:** let's get four fish!!! one for each of us and they can share a tank

 

**sirsingalot:** PLEASE

 

**darkstrangeson:** PLEASE

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** ....

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** FINE.

 

**bestdad:** wait REALLY YAY

 

**sirsingalot:** that was surprisingly easy

 

**sirsingalot:** I'M NAMING MY FISH HERCULES

 

**darkstrangeson:** can i name my fish dr. phil

 

**bestdad:** i'm naming my fish mr. whiskers

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Why do I live with you people?

 

\---

 

_8:09am._

 

**bestdad:** LETS GO GET OUR FISH

 

**sirsingalot:** LETS GET THIS FISH

 

**darkstrangeson:** I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT ROMAN

 

**bestdad:** i am very confused

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Me too.

 

**sirsingalot:** ew you guys are old

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** I am one year older than you.

 

**bestdad:** roman

 

**bestdad:** i'm not that old

 

**bestdad:** i'm only two years older than you >:(((

 

**bestdad:** even though my joints crack horribly whenever i move

 

**bestdad:** i am still powerful

 

**sirsingalot:** singlehandedly the most terrifying thing youve ever said to me, patton

 

**darkstrangeson:** patton has Big Dick Energy

 

**bestdad:** OKAY I KNOW WHAT THAT ONE IS I TOOK THE TEST

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** WHAT.

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Send the link.

 

**bestdad:**  https://www.buzzfeed.com/sydrobinson1/do-you-have-big-dick-energy

 

**bestdad:** i got 100 percent big dick energy

 

**sirsingalot:** I GOT 25 PERCENT I HATE THIS TEST LET ME TAKE IT AGAIN

 

**darkstrangeson:** i wish i was jared, 19

 

\---

 

_11:56am._

 

**bestdad:** okay NOW lets go get fish

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** How do you have 100% Big Dick Energy, Patton? You're the only one.

 

**bestdad:** big patton energy

 

**darkstrangeson:** BIG PATTON ENERGY

 

**sirsingalot:** THATS AMAZING

 

**sirsingalot:** OKAY LETS GO

 

\---

 

_12:22pm._

 

**bestdad:** DO YOU GUYS SEE THE GROUP OF KIDS THAT ARE DANCING AT THE BIRDS

 

**sirsingalot:** NO WHERE ARE YOU

 

**bestdad:** THE BIRDS ROMAN

 

**sirsingalot:** IM COMING

 

**darkstrangeson:** i'm here let's make it look like we aren't staring at them because theyre like 14

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** I'm here too.

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Oh my.

 

**MicrosoftNerd:**  The four of them all know the dance...

 

**bestdad:** they're all in sync this is amazing

 

**bestdad:** THE BIRDS ARE GOING BUCK WILD THEY LOVE THEM

 

**sirsingalot:** DO YOU HEAR THE SONG THEYRE PLAYING

 

**darkstrangeson:** OH MY GODF

 

**darkstrangeson:** FERGALICIOUS

 

**bestdad:** THIS IS AMAZING I WANT TO JOIN THEM

 

**bestdad:** WHY COULDN'T I BE THIS COOL AT AGE 14

 

**sirsingalot:** oh my gdo

 

**sirsingalot:** the three girls just lifted up the boy and he tposed at the birds

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Dear god, what is happening?

 

**darkstrangeson:** GUYS THEY SEE US WATCHING THEM

 

**darkstrangeson:** ABORT

 

**darkstrangeson:** haha hey the boy is really short the girls look like his bodyguards

 

**sirsingalot:** THEY JUST FLEXED AT US SO WE WOULD LEAVE THEM ALONE I'M INTIMIDATED

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** I bought the fish.

 

**bestdad:** Logan these kids are scarily buff

 

**bestdad:** hey one of the girls just called the boy her son

 

**bestdad:** JUST LIKE VIRGIL AND I

 

**bestdad:** GUYS TAG YOURSELF

 

**sirsingalot:** I'M THE ONE WHO KEEPS SAYING HOWDY TO THE BIRDS

 

**darkstrangeson:** I'M LEAVING LET'S GO HOME THIS IS WEIRD GUYS

 

**bestdad:** FINE

 

\---

 

_1:46pm._

 

**bestdad:** THE FISH ARE IN

 

**bestdad:** my fish is mr. whiskers!!! i love him

 

**sirsingalot:** my fish is hercules he's really cool

 

**darkstrangeson:** youre mistaken

 

**darkstrangeson:** dr. phil is the best fish

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Why did you give your fish such weird names?

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Mine is named Einstein.

 

**sirsingalot:** thats literally not any better

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** FALSEHOOD

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** HE'S THE BEST FISH

 

**sirsingalot:** CHRIST OKAY

 

\---

 

_5:09pm._

 

**darkstrangeson:** pizza

 

**darkstrangeson:** now

 

**MicrosoftNerd:** Alright.

 

\---

 

_8:01pm._

 

**bestdad:** me me a big boy

 

\---

 

_10:58pm._

 

**sirsingalot:** what is wrong with us

 

 


	8. gucci gays uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3:46am.
> 
>  
> 
> darkstrangeson: jenga time
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> 4:08am.
> 
>  
> 
> MicrosoftNerd: I found Virgil in his room passed out, near a knocked over Jenga tower.
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> 9:54am.
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad: not again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( PLEASE READ. )  
> hi!! hello!! howdy!!!
> 
> would you guys like it if moonlight and i did a q & a?? i know this story isn't that popular but huhuhu why not?? i was thinking we could maybe make an instagram account for this mm and i could post like a really low quality drawing of how they look in this au and my headcanons for it if anyones interested
> 
> thank you for 1000 hits!! we appreciate it so much :) i've been a teensy bit tired as of late but i'm on break which means there might be an extra chapter coming your way/..??? maybe>>>????? 
> 
> are you proud of me for uploading on time
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated!! - sunlightszn
> 
> Hello my fanciful fantasies. I have hmmm two things? One? Ill decide half way through. But PLEASE OH MY GODS I WANT TO DO A Q&A SO BADLY I'VE NEVER DONE ONE BEFORE I'LL FEEL SO SPECIAL! It'll be like we are in the big leagues oh my. Ya anly one thing, but please i want to do one so badly. 
> 
> Thank for reading!❤ - moonlightszn

_4:34pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** VIRGIL

 

 **sirsingalot:** TELL DR. PHIL TO LEAVE HERCULES ALONE

 

 **darkstrangeson:** why whats he doing

 

 **sirsingalot:** HE'S TAKING MY FISHES FOOD

 

 **bestdad:** mr. whiskers is a good fish he might share with hercules

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Einstein keeps to himself. He's smart. Like me.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ok leave my fish alone leave him alone roman oh my god just l

 

 **darkstrangeson:** jk

 

 **darkstrangeson:** BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THIS

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i can't exactly train a fish i dont think

 

 **sirsingalot:** I DONT KNOW

 

 **sirsingalot:** JUST UH

 

 **sirsingalot:** PUT HIM IN TIME OUT OR SOMETHING

 

 **bestdad:** WHY ARE WE PUTTING DR. PHIL IN TIME OUT D:?? HE MAY HAVE A TOUGH EXTERIOR BUT SO DOES VIRGIL

 

 **bestdad:** fish time out is illegal!!! they are all Good Boys

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What is happening?

 

\---

 

_6:46pm._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yall i keep forgetting we're on break

 

 **darkstrangeson:** and whenever i forgot i think we have to go to school tomorrow and i get Very Scared

 

 **sirsingalot:** now i can catch up on my beauty sleep :*

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah you definitely need it

 

 **sirsingalot:** UM

 

 **sirsingalot:** jealously is a disease,, get well soon bitch xoxo

 

 **darkstrangeson:** HAHAAHAH

 

 **bestdad:** THAT WAS FUNNY BUT BE NICE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Who took my leftovers?

 

**sirsingalot:**

 

**darkstrangeson:**

 

**bestdad:**

 

 **sirsingalot:**  

 

**darkstrangeson:**

 

 **bestdad:** that was yours??

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** The lasagna? Yes.

 

 **bestdad:** oh uh

 

 **bestdad:** um

 

 **bestdad:** looks like garfield snuck into the house or something

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** The obese orange cat?

 

 **bestdad:** yeah

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:**  ...Did you eat my leftover lasagna?

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Patton.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Where the fuck is my lasagna

 

 **sirsingalot:** he's about to go hog wild

 

 **darkstrangeson:** guys RUN I'LL DRIVE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** DID YOU GUYS ACTUALLY LEAVE?

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'M COMING.

 

 **sirsingalot:** guys

 

 **sirsingalot:** HES RUNNING

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WAIT EVERYONE STOP

 

 **darkstrangeson:** LETS JUST

 

 **darkstrangeson:** TAKE A RIDE TO THE MALL

 

 **bestdad:** OHH CAN I GET STICKERS IF WE FIND ANY

 

 **sirsingalot:** yeah sure

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Seriously guys, what about my lasagna?

 

\---

 

_7:23pm._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ... do you guys hear that

 

 **bestdad:** wha,

 

 **sirsingalot:** OH MY FODH

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHO IS PLAYING THAT

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What is it?

 

 **bestdad:** WAIT

 

 **bestdad:** I THINK VIRGIL SHOWED ME THIS

 

 **bestdad:** IS IT MEGALOVANIA

 

 **darkstrangeson:** YES

 

 **darkstrangeson:** THERES A CROWD OF ABOUT 30 TEENAGERS SURROUNDING THE STREET PIANO AND SCREAMING AT THE PERSON WHOS PLAYING IT

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'm very confused, so I'm going to go into the Yankee candle store.

 

 **bestdad:** wait i love candles im coming with you

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Alright.

 

\---

 

_8:08pm._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Okay, time to go.

 

 **bestdad:** we have candles and i have a whole bunch of stickers

 

 **darkstrangeson:** are you the two people that look like a married couple and one of you is carrying like 3 boxes

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wait are those filled with candles

 

 **bestdad:** yes and yes

 

 **sirsingalot:** me oh my

 

 **sirsingalot:** WAIT THATS ALOT OF CANDLES

 

 **darkstrangeson:** UH YEAH

 

 **darkstrangeson:** HOW MUCH DID THAT COST

 

 **bestdad:** Logan and i have a strong coupon game

 

 **bestdad:** so our order of $205 dollars actually came out to be only $40

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT THE

 

 **darkstrangeson:** FUCK

 

 **darkstrangeson:** THATS IMPRESSIVE

 

 **sirsingalot:** YOU GUYS REALLY ARE LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE

 

 **bestdad:** yeah pretty much

 

\---

 

_10:56pm._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** can we all watch a movie

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i want to watch a specific movie

 

 **sirsingalot:** shrek

 

 **darkstrangeson:** shrek

 

 **darkstrangeson:** HOWD YOU KNOW

 

 **sirsingalot:** WE SPEND ALOT OF TIME TOGETHER HOW COULD I NOT KNOW

 

 **bestdad:** okay i want to watch shrek

 

 **bestdad:** i just finished making a cake if anyone wants some

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'll also watch the movie. And have some cake.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Thank you, Patton. :)

 

 **sirsingalot:** hey woah there

 

 **sirsingalot:** logans never used a :) before

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i was about to say that

 

\---

 

_darkstrangeson added sirsingalot to a chat._

**darkstrangeson:** im gonna beat you to it today

 

 **darkstrangeson:** GAY

 

 **sirsingalot:** GAY

 

 **sirsingalot:** DAMMIT

 

\---

 

_ghost hunters_

 

 **bestdad:** i'm special so that's why i get a :) from Logan

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh ok

 

 **darkstrangeson:** cake time

 

\---

 

_2:34am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** I NEED A HERO

 

 **sirsingalot:** IM HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO TILL THE END OF THE NIGHT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** HES GOTTA BE STRONG

 

 **darkstrangeson:** AND HES GOTTA BE FAST

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** STOP TEXTING. I'm trying to watch the fairy godmother sing.

 

 **bestdad:** smh

 

\---

 

_4:02am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** everyones asleep

 

 **darkstrangeson:** that means i can say this

 

 **darkstrangeson:** peepee

 

 **darkstrangeson:** haha

 

\---

 

_10:07am._

 

 **bestdad:** watch your language

 

 **bestdad:** ok i'm making breakfast

 

\---

 

_2:00pm._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I can appreciate how we all ate breakfast and then immediately went to sleep again.

 

 **sirsingalot:** i mean its break

 

\---

 

_6:23pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:**  UH GUYSSS

 

 **sirsingalot:** VIRGIL IM SO SORRY

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHAT

 

 **sirsingalot:** COME TO THE FISH TANK

 

 **sirsingalot:** DR. PHIL IS DEAD

 

 **darkstrangeson:** NO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** GOD NOO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHY ME

 

 **bestdad:** NO

 

 **bestdad:** VIRGIL ARE YOU OKAY

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Take him out of the tank so he doesn't kill the other fish.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** ...I mean we can always have a fish funeral for him.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Just to flex on everyone.

 

 **sirsingalot:** i'm sorry WHAT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ah

 

 **darkstrangeson:** vocab cards

 

 **sirsingalot:** ah ok

 

 **bestdad:** good job Logan

 

 **bestdad:** i think

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Thanks.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHAT HAPPENED TO DR. PHIL HE WAS FINE LIKE AN HOUR AGO

 

 **sirsingalot:** go bury him in the toilet

 

 **darkstrangeson:** :( ok

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i need to be alone with him

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Alright.

 

\---

 

_6:45pm._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** thanks for being alone with me patton

 

 **bestdad:** no problem son

 

 **bestdad:** okay time to let him into the toilet

 

 **darkstrangeson:** here i go :(

 

 **bestdad:** ...

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ...

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHAT THE FUCK????

 

 **bestdad:** OH MY GOODNESS

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'm on my way to the bathroom, which one of you screamed?

 

 **sirsingalot:** i think that was both of them

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT HAPPENED

 

 **bestdad:** DR PHIL IS STILL ALIVE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** DON'T LET HIM DOWN THE TOILET.

 

 **bestdad:** VIRGIL GRABBED HIM WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND RAN TO THE FISH TANK

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHY DID HE LOOK DEAD THEN

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I DON'T KNOW.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** DR PHIL IS A POWERFUL BEING

 

 **darkstrangeson:** how can i live knowing my fish is cooler than me

 

 **sirsingalot:** everyones cooler than you

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you're stupid

 

 **sirsingalot:** wow is that really the only comeback you have

 

 **darkstrangeson:** just wait

 

 **darkstrangeson:** itll bother you later

 

 **bestdad:** be nice guys

 

 **bestdad:** looks like everything is okay in the fish tank

 

 **bestdad:** what does everyone want for dinner

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** My lasagna that "mysteriously" disappeared.

 

 **bestdad:** any other suggestions

 

 **sirsingalot:** mac and cheese

 

 **darkstrangeson:** YES

 

 **darkstrangeson:** slams hands on table

 

 **darkstrangeson:** MAC AND CHEESE

 

 **sirsingalot:** MAC AND CHEESE

 

 **bestdad:** MAC AND CHEESE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Mac and Cheese? Really?

 

_sirsingalot changed MicrosoftNerd's username to macandcheesehater._

 

 **macandcheesehater:** I should've known.

 

_macandcheesehater changed their username to MicrosoftNerd._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Back to this one, I suppose.

 

 **sirsingalot:** NERD

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WHY

 

\---

 

_11:46pm._

 

_sirsingalot added bestdad to the chat._

 

 **sirsingalot:** patton

 

 **bestdad:** yes, Roman

 

 **sirsingalot:** am i stupid

 

 **bestdad:** sometimes

 

 **sirsingalot:** WOW OK

 

 **sirsingalot:** DAMMIT VIRGIL WAS RIGHT

 

 **bestdad:** OOPsSs

 

\---

 

_ghost hunters_

 

_3:46am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** jenga time

 

\---

 

_4:08am._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I found Virgil in his room passed out, near a knocked over Jenga tower.

 

\---

 

_9:54am._

 

 **bestdad:** not again


	9. holdin horses ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3:03am.
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad: just had a dream i was pregnant for some reason
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> 7:01am.
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: it's logans
> 
>  
> 
> MicrosoftNerd: SHUT UP.
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: NO
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: I MADE YOU LASAGNA YOU CANT BE MEAN TO ME
> 
>  
> 
> MicrosoftNerd: Who made those rules?
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (PLEASE READ AH!!!!)  
> hi!! hello!! howdy again!!!
> 
> so if you haven't noticed (not sure if moonlight even noticed) i added my other friend as a co-author a few days ago!!
> 
> be nice pls!! anyways!! sorry this is a later update time but i know that nobody sleeps anyway sooooo huhuhu owo  
> twilightszn is here to do what moonlightszn do essentially, except he likes to swear so i mean there's that !! he's basically my son
> 
> also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment if we should make an instagram account... or a tumblr account,,, or something because honestly i really want to do a q & a :) you can ask questions about situations, headcanons, stuff planned (as long as they aren't spoilers) etc !!!! i can also describe what they look like in this au so you can imagine it easier??? maybe?? idk
> 
> also!!! 200 kudos!!!!!!! thank you SO much ily guys
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated!! <3 - sunlightszn
> 
> \---
> 
> Hello my fanciful fantasies! Hold on to your horses (pun intended) because I've got a lot to GET OFF MY BACK OK LETS GO!  
> First: YES sunlightszn, i did notice that you added twilightszn. I'm not legally blind yet!  
> Second: Y'all be nice to him, he's my nephew.  
> Third: ALL THE MOMENTS Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW  
> Fourth: please ask for an Instagram so y'all CAN know  
> Fifth: if you beautiful guys, gals and queer pals do want an insta for this, comment questions we can answer  
> Sixth: I'M TRYING TO GET SUNLIGHTSZN ON A GOOD UPDATE SCHEDULE I SWEAR! As you can tell its getting better!  
> Seventh: SHAMELESS PROMOTION, GO CHECK OUT CARPE NOCTERNUM AND FUEL MY EGO  
> Eighth: GO TO SLEEP MY CHILDREN!
> 
> Ok that is all! Love you all my niblings and thank you for 200 kudos!!!!! <3 -moonlightszn
> 
> \---
> 
> whats up bitches im the new other co-author :) i'll try not to swear unless y'all want me to in the stories. i dont have much to say since i just joined and i haven't written anything yet but i look foward to it! anyways see you guys later it looks fun to be a part of this !! <3 - twilightszn
> 
> _____

_12:56pm._

 

 **bestdad:** hey guys make sure you dress for today

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ??

 

 **sirsingalot:** wha

 

 **bestdad:** it's kind of muggy out

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wait really

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i went outside like two hours ago and it was pretty chilly

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** No.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** NO

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Not this again. God, Patton. If all of our mugs are at our doorstep I'm going to scream.

 

 **sirsingalot:** uh oh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** uh oh

 

 **bestdad:** was that scream him

 

 **sirsingalot:** yeah

 

 **bestdad:** oh no

 

 **bestdad:** the counters are pretty sticky too i don't think he'll like that either guys

 

 **darkstrangeson:** why are there sticks all over the kitchen counter

 

 **sirsingalot:** the kitchen too?? they're in the bathroom as well

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Patton.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Why?

 

 **bestdad:** cmon guys its funny

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** You're not funny.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** hey

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i think he's pretty funny

 

 **bestdad:** yeah

 

 **bestdad:** i think i'm pretty funny

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'll only look past this if lasagna is made for dinner today.

 

 **sirsingalot:** hey i can make some

 

 **sirsingalot:** it's literally the only thing i can make besides spaghetti

 

 **bestdad:** alrighty

 

 **darkstrangeson:** lasagna time

 

\---

 

_3:09pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHO JUST SCREAMED

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** PATTON.

 

 **sirsingalot:** PATTON ARE YOU OKAY

 

 **bestdad:** WHAT THE HECK DOES BIG CHUNGUS MEAN AND WHY DID VIRGIL YELL IT AT ME WHEN HE JUMPED OUT OF A DARK ROOM

 

 **sirsingalot:** VIRGIL NO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** VIRGIL YES

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** "Big Chungus"... that's not on my vocab cards.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** it's better if it's not

 

 **sirsingalot:** okay well i'm trying to prep for dinner so if we could have a few minutes of peace and quiet that would be splendid my good fellows

 

 **bestdad:** MY HEART IS RACING

 

\---

 

_6:25pm._

 

_pecan added darkstrangeson to the chat_

 

 **pecan:** virgil? what in the heckaroo is going on? that’s  the second time someone from your dorm has screamed.

 

 **pecan:** virgil??

 

 **pecan:** remy and iare trying to watch steven universe but i will send him if i need to. do you need my help??

 

 **pecan:** if i hear another scream we are breaking down that mcfreakin door

 

—-

 

_6:35pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** come on big boys

 

 **sirsingalot:** time for dinner

 

 **darkstrangeson:** im only going to eat the lasagna if

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you never call us big boys again

 

 **sirsingalot:** no promises

 

 **bestdad:** l a s a g n a

 

\---

 

_8:09pm._

 

 **bestdad:** uwu

 

 **sirsingalot:** wh

 

 **sirsingalot:** NO

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Everything is so confusing today.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you: uwu

                         me, an intellectual: owo

 

 **bestdad:** i have no idea what that means i just like the face

 

\---

 

_10:32pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** someone just asked me for booty pics

 

 **darkstrangeson:** did you say yes

 

 **sirsingalot:** who do you think i am

 

 **sirsingalot:** of course i did

 

 **bestdad:** nonononononoon ROMAN NO

 

 **sirsingalot:** IM KIDDING IM KIDDING JEEZ CALM DOWN SCAREDY POPS

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ok that one was pretty good ill give you that

 

 **bestdad:** did Logan die

 

 **sirsingalot:** probably

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah

 

 **bestdad:** ok i'm gonna check on him

 

 **bestdad:** he's passed out at his desk

 

 **sirsingalot:** figures

 

 **darkstrangeson:** mood

 

\---

 

_12:56am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** so patton died too

 

 **darkstrangeson:** no theyre cuddling in logans bed

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT

 

 **sirsingalot:** AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME

 

 **darkstrangeson:** UM

 

 **darkstrangeson:** DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED

 

 **darkstrangeson:** THAT PICTURE YOU TOOK ALMOST GOT US SHANKED

 

 **sirsingalot:** FIRST OF ALL

 

 **sirsingalot:** we did get shanked

 

 **sirsingalot:** SECOND OF ALL

 

 **sirsingalot:** IM GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE WITH FLASH OFF

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ok well youre just lucky they left their phones in the living room

 

 **sirsingalot:** i'm going in

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wait for me

 

\---

 

_1:07am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** aw

 

 **darkstrangeson:** theyre cute

 

 **sirsingalot:** should i take their glasses off

 

 **darkstrangeson:** why

 

 **sirsingalot:** i dont want them to break their glasses

 

 **sirsingalot:** it's happened to me before

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wait

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you wear glasses????

 

 **sirsingalot:** not really anymore

 

 **sirsingalot:** i wear contacts

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wow...

 

 **darkstrangeson:** all this time

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you called them nerds,,,,

 

 **darkstrangeson:** but youre the real nerd here

 

 **sirsingalot:** SHUT UP LEAVE ME ALONE VIRGIL

 

 **darkstrangeson:** DID YOU JUST KNOCK SOMETHING OVER

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OH THEYRE WAKING UP RUN

 

 **sirsingalot:** AH

 

 **sirsingalot:** okay we're safe

 

 **darkstrangeson:** okay theyre coming

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh no

 

 **sirsingalot:** what

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WE'RE IN THE GROUP CHAT

 

 **sirsingalot:** what do you m

 

 **sirsingalot:** NONONO

 

 **sirsingalot:** LOGAN I CAN EXPLAIN

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What?

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** ROMAN.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OH MYG OD HES RUNNING SO FAST

 

 **darkstrangeson:** THEYRE BOTH LIKE TRACK STARS JESUS I DIDN'T KNOW LOGAN RAN FAST

 

 **bestdad:** only when he's angry

 

 **bestdad:** hey virgil??

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah

 

 **bestdad:** can you send me those pictures by any chance

 

 **darkstrangeson:** youre lucky roman sent them to me before you guys woke up

 

 **bestdad:** thanks son

 

\---

 

_1:48am._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'm never going to get those pictures deleted.

 

\---

 

_3:03am._

 

 **bestdad:** just had a dream i was pregnant for some reason

 

\---

 

_7:01am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** it's logans

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** SHUT UP.

 

 **sirsingalot:** NO

 

 **sirsingalot:** I MADE YOU LASAGNA YOU CANT BE MEAN TO ME

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Who made those rules?

 

 **sirsingalot:** ME

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** COME HERE, I'M GOING TO DROPKICK YOU IN THE FACE.

 

 **bestdad:** PLEASE STOP BEING VIOLENT I WAS JUST PREGNANT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** hey that happened to me once

 

 **darkstrangeson:** NOT IN REAL LIFE

 

 **bestdad:** HELP

 

 **bestdad:** THEYRE FIGHTING IN MY ROOM

 

 **darkstrangeson:** GUYS NO

 

\---

 

_10:43am._

 

 **bestdad:** guess what

 

 **bestdad:** i made pancakes

 

 **bestdad:** does anyone want to play uno

 

 **sirsingalot:** sure

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Hm, I guess.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** chill

 

\---

 

_11:56am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** LOGAN I HATE YOU

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WHAT DID I DO?

 

 **darkstrangeson:** YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

 

 **sirsingalot:** dang logan

 

 **sirsingalot:** whipping out the draw 4 on his ass

 

 **bestdad:** oop

 

 **bestdad:** there it is

 

 **bestdad:** also

 

bestdad: uno :)

 

 **sirsingalot:** FUCK

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** DAMMIT.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** SHIT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** DONT LET HIM WIN

 

 **darkstrangeson:** DO NOT LET HIM WIN

 

 **bestdad:** AHAHAHAH

 

 **bestdad:** I WIN

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** NO.

 

 **sirsingalot:** i clearly won

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you have 19 cards??

 

 **sirsingalot:** ok

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ?????

 

\---

 

_1:00pm._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** You all are not keeping our living space tidy. Pick up after yourselves.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** y'all ain't

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** ?

 

 **bestdad:** YAINT

 

sirsingalot: he's clenching his fists

 

 **bestdad:** yaint gonna believe this

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Please, stop. Please.

 

 **bestdad:** i found a cat outside and now it's in our house

 

 **darkstrangeson:** what

 

 **sirsingalot:** patton...

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** No! You're allergic.

 

 **bestdad:** has anyone seen him

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** You LOST the cat?

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** In OUR house?

 

 **bestdad:** yes

 

 **bestdad:** has anyone seen him

 

 **bestdad:** i'm naming him,,, yaint

 

 **sirsingalot:** wow-

 

 **sirsingalot:** i have no words

 

 **darkstrangeson:** are you seriously naming the cat

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Why are you naming it? Let alone naming it 'Yaint'?

 

 **bestdad:** in honor of our heartfelt conversation

 

 **sirsingalot:** no

 

 **sirsingalot:** lets name it

 

 **sirsingalot:** weenie hut jr.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** no

 

 **darkstrangeson:** noodle

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Aaron.

 

 **sirsingalot:** that's such a weird name for a cat

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ay-ay-ron

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WAIT, YES!

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I know what video that is!

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Wait. We can't keep the cat. Cats aren't allowed.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** only if someone knows

 

 **bestdad:** lets keep the cat

 

 **bestdad:** we can name him

 

 **bestdad:** uh

 

 **bestdad:** a combination of all of those names

 

 **bestdad:** yeedlon

 

 **bestdad:** no thats not right

 

 **bestdad:** nontronee

 

 **bestdad:** which one

 

 **bestdad:** yeedlon or nontronee

 

 **darkstrangeson:** nontronee

 

 **sirsingalot:** none

 

 **sirsingalot:** but if i had to pick yeedlon

 

 **bestdad:** Logan it's up to you

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Uh.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:**  Yaint Gonna Believe This, Noodle Weenie Aaron Jr.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** That's his full name but we call him nontronee

 

 **bestdad:** I LOVE IT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wow

 

 **darkstrangeson:** a true intellectual

 

 **sirsingalot:** its so stupid

 

 **sirsingalot:** i love it

 

\---

 

_9:56pm._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you know guys

 

 **darkstrangeson:** im so glad i moved in with you

 

 **darkstrangeson:** life doesnt suck as much

 

 **darkstrangeson:** so thanks


	10. icky igloos ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7:32am.
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: logan came into my room and opened the curtains mY EYES BURN I NEED REST
> 
>  
> 
> MicrosoftNerd: Rise and shine, you little shit.
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: HOW RUDE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! i started writing this at 1:17am so oopsies! atleast i pretty much have an upload schedule now :)  
> anyways so i'm leaning towards making a tumblr account for this au just so it's harder for people i know in real life to find me because,,, idk i just dont want them stalking me on the account :')  
> i just got back from my design camp for winterguard and my whole body is CRIPPLED !!! woo <3
> 
> also i may or may not be working on another story that isnt sanders sides related,,, HmMmMM
> 
> fun fact: gru is 14 feet tall
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated!! <3 -sunlightszn

_1:12pm._

 

_bestdad added darkstrangeson and sirsingalot to a chat._

 

 **bestdad:** HELP

 

 **bestdad:** AH

 

 **sirsingalot:** ARE YOU OKAY PATTON WHO DO I NEED TO KILL THIS TIME

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHATS HAPPENIGN ARE  YOU OKAY 

 

 **bestdad:** okay i just wanted your attention

 

 **sirsingalot:** you monster

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh thank god

 

 **bestdad:** BUT

 

 **bestdad:** i actually need help with something

 

 **bestdad:** about Logan

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ooh spicy

 

 **sirsingalot:** sounds Gay im in

 

 **bestdad:** thanks gang

 

 **bestdad:** ANYWAYS

 

 **bestdad:** so yknow Logan and i

 

 **bestdad:** we're,,, buddies but more than buddies i think

 

 **bestdad:** BUT THATS THE PROBLEM

 

 **bestdad:** I DONT KNOW WHAT WE ARE

 

 **sirsingalot:** OH I-

 

 **sirsingalot:** why dont you ask him to date you

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wait

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you like him right

 

 **sirsingalot:** i-

 

 **bestdad:** virgil,,, sweetie,,, son

 

 **bestdad:** YES I dO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** SORRY IM DUMB DUMB I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE

 

 **sirsingalot:** IGNORING VIRGIL

 

 **sirsingalot:** just ask him out

 

 **bestdad:** thats the thing

 

 **bestdad:** what if he thinks we're already going out

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh god

 

 **sirsingalot:** oh ok hold on

 

\---

 

_sirsingalot added MicrosoftNerd to a chat._

 

 **sirsingalot:** hey ugly

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Pardon.

 

 **sirsingalot:** are u and patton dating

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WHAT?? Of course not, Patton doesn't like me like that.

 

 **sirsingalot:** alright whatever you say buddy

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Wait, why did you need to know?

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Roman.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** ROMAN.

 

\---

 

_sirsingalot, darkstrangeson, bestdad._

 

 **sirsingalot:** okay so

 

 **sirsingalot:** he thinks you guys arent dating and also thinks that you dont like him, patton

 

 **bestdad:** aw SHIT

 

 **bestdad:** excuse my bad boy words

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i hate that

 

 **darkstrangeson:** "bad boy words"\

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ALSO PATTON SWORE

 

 **sirsingalot:** NO PATTON YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT

 

 **bestdad:** BUT I LIKE LOGAN HOW DOES HE NOT KNOW

 

 **bestdad:** OH GOD IS HE SAD

 

 **sirsingalot:** probably

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ROMAN YOU ARENT HELPING

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT

 

 **sirsingalot:** IM BEING HONEST

 

 **bestdad:** OHG DFOD I HAVE TO ASK HIM TO DATE ME

 

 **bestdad:** I HAVE THE BIG GAY FOR LOGAN GUYS

 

 **sirsingalot:** AW

 

 **darkstrangeson:** cute

 

 **sirsingalot:** you know who i have the big gay for

 

 **darkstrangeson:** me

 

 **sirsingalot:** yes

 

 **sirsingalot:** just kidding

 

 **sirsingalot:** zac efron

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh hes hot

 

 **bestdad:** true

 

 **bestdad:** ok brb i'm gonna ask Logan out

 

 **darkstrangeson:** my lord he has no fear

 

 **sirsingalot:** oh god

 

\---

 

_bestdad added MicrosoftNerd to a chat._

 

 **bestdad:** hey buckaroo can you come to the living room

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Sure.

 

\---

 

 _sirsingalot_ _added darkstrangeson to a chat._

 

 **sirsingalot:** lets stalk them

 

 **darkstrangeson:** im usually not up for this but my father is about to ask another man on a date so im in

 

 **sirsingalot:** hes not ur dad

 

 **darkstrangeson:** its okay it makes him happy when i say he is

 

 **sirsingalot:** okay follow me

 

 **sirsingalot:** and BE QUIET

 

 **darkstrangeson:** hold on im not even out of my room yet

 

 **sirsingalot:** ..,,,, are you wearing a rainbow onesie

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yes and what about it

 

 **sirsingalot:** cute

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ew

 

 **sirsingalot:** okay be quiet

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i didnt even say an-

 

 **darkstrangeson:** alright

 

 **sirsingalot:** im gonna type everything they say so i have it to remember :')

 

 **darkstrangeson:** dude thats kinda weird

 

 **sirsingalot:** shUT UP

 

 **sirsingalot:** "hi Lo,,, thanks for actually meeting me in the living room"

 

 **darkstrangeson:** DUDE CAN I BE LOGAN

 

 **sirsingalot:** PERFECT

 

 **sirsingalot:** ITS LIKE A WEIRD ROLEPLAY

 

 **darkstrangeson:** FUCK I MISSED WHAT HE SAID

 

 **sirsingalot:** AH FUCK

 

 **sirsingalot:** "so i just wanted to know"

 

 **darkstrangeson:** insert questioning look here

 

 **sirsingalot:** "if you maybe kind of wanted to go on a date with me sometimes"

 

 **darkstrangeson:** "why"

 

 **darkstrangeson:** "I MEAN YES BUT WAIT-"

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh logan

 

 **sirsingalot:** the embodiment of Gay Panic

 

 **sirsingalot:** OH GOD I MISSED WHAT THEYRE SAYING

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WAIT THEYRE QUIET

 

 **darkstrangeson:** LET ME LOOK AROUND THE CORNER

 

 **darkstrangeson:** EW

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** THEYRE KISSING GROSS

 

 **sirsingalot:** AW THATS CUTE SHUT UP VIRGIL

 

 **sirsingalot:** LETS GO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** THANK GOD

 

 **darkstrangeson:** want to play minecraft

 

 **sirsingalot:** im ashamed you would even have to ask

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ,,,we are grown men

 

\---

 

_ghost hunters_

 

_2:45pm._

 

 

 **bestdad:** hey gang

 

 **bestdad:** Logan and i are going on a date later today

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** :)

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Please keep the house under control while we're gone.

 

 **sirsingalot:** cute!!!!!!!!!!!! where are you lovely fellows going

 

 **bestdad:** idk i asked him out and he planned the date

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** It's a surprise!

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh thats cute

 

 **sirsingalot:** ah

 

 **sirsingalot:** love is in the air <3

 

 **bestdad:** :) <3!!!!!

 

 **sirsingalot:** okay have fun on ur date later

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ill keep roman under control because we all know he would destroy everything with me gone

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT

 

 **sirsingalot:** no i wouldnt

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah right

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Yeah, right.

 

 **sirsingalot:** well you guys are rude

 

\---

 

_5:09pm._

 

 **bestdad:** Logan and i are leaving !! he looks v cute

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** ...thank you. You look lovely as well. Please don't set the dorm on fire.

 

 **sirsingalot:** we wont

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i promise

 

 **bestdad:** BYE!!!

 

\---

 

_sirsingalot added darkstrangeson to a chat._

 

 **sirsingalot:** i invited remy and emile over

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ROMAN NO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** we're not supposed to be throwing a party

 

 **sirsingalot:** JEEZ CALM DOWN

 

 **sirsingalot:** its only gonna be them and a few other people

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHAT NO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHO

 

 **sirsingalot:** well

 

 **sirsingalot:** emile, he's studying social work and his boyfriend remy, who's studying philosophy

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah he's in my class and i've literally met both of them,,, you were there

 

 **sirsingalot:** oh yeah

 

 **sirsingalot:** wait you study philosophy

 

 **darkstrangeson:** uh yeah

 

 **sirsingalot:** COOL

 

 **sirsingalot:** anyways

 

 **sirsingalot:** thomas, he's studying chemical engineering

 

 **darkstrangeson:** nerd

 

 **sirsingalot:** thats my line

 

 **sirsingalot:** talyn, they're studying animal bioscience, and their datemate, joan, who's studying film and video

 

 **darkstrangeson:** all these people are too cool for me ill just hide in my room

 

 **sirsingalot:** NO

 

 **sirsingalot:** you have to stay with me theyre all really nice

 

 **darkstrangeson:** Ugh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** UGh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** UGH

 

 **darkstrangeson:** F I N E

 

 **sirsingalot:** YAY

 

 **sirsingalot:** THANKS

 

\---

 

_6:54pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** THEYRE HEREEEEE COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE VIRGIL

 

 **darkstrangeson:** DO  I HAVE TO

 

 **sirsingalot:** YES

 

 **darkstangeson:** AHhfds

 

\---

 

_8:34pm._

 

_ghost hunters_

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** We're back!

 

 **bestdad:** hi-

 

 **bestdad:** why are there so manyt people here whatgh

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Oh, god.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Remy's here.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Why, us?

 

 **bestdad:** guess we should go say hi

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Alright.

 

\---

 

_11:56pm._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Now that they're finally gone.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Why on EARTH did you let them come over? We said to watch the house.

 

 **sirsingalot:** we did

 

 **sirsingalot:** we just invited some people over

 

 **bestdad:** i mean i guess it was nice to see them

 

 **darkstrangeson:** eh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** my social battery is drained

 

 **darkstrangeson:** im going to bed

 

 **darkstrangeson:** peace out

 

 **sirsingalot:** goodnight

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Ugh, goodnight, Virgil.

 

 **bestdad:** night night

 

 **sirsingalot:** "night night" cute

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Hey.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Get your own boyfriend.

 

 **sirsingalot:** i cant :'(

 

 **sirsingalot:** nobody likes me

 

 **bestdad:** hmm

 

\---

 

_sirsingalot added bestdad to a chat._

 

 **sirsingalot** : how did the date go???

 

 **bestdad** : it didnt go according to plan but it went really good!!

 

 **sirsingalot** : what happened

 

 **bestdad** : welll logan took me to a nice restaurant downtown but they told us our reservation wasnt there

 

 **sirsingalot** : WHAT

 

 **bestdad** : wAit

 

 **sirsingalo** t: dasjhgfm

 

 **bestdad** : he got flustered and embarrassed but it was cuTe AHh!! i tried to make him feel better so we went to the grocery store and got crofters and ate it in our fancy clothes with our car parked in the parking lot of the grocery store

 

 **sirsingalot** : !!! WIG

 

 **bestdad** : i don’t know what the means but!! he's the best :))

 

 **sirsingalot** : im so happy for yall but i need my beauty sleep

 

 **bestdad** : alright, night princey

 

 **sirsingalot** : gn :)

 

_\--_

 

_3:03am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i just got sleep paralysis wtf

 

\---

 

_7:32am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** logan came into my room and opened the curtains mY EYES BURN I NEED REST

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:**  Rise and shine, you little shit.

 

 **sirsingalot:** HOW RUDE

 

\---

 

_9:45am._

 

 **bestdad:** LOGAN BE NICE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Sorry.

 

\---

 

_11:12am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** woah i just woke up

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh god

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh no

 

 **bestdad:** ?

 

 **darkstrangeson:** my mom called me 6 times and messaged me 54 times

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i havent talked to her in ages

 

 **darkstrangeson:** for good reason

 

 **sirsingalot:** what do you think she wants

 

 **darkstrangeson:** whatever it is its probably not good

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Are you gonna respond?

 

 **darkstrangeson:** maybe but not now

 

\---

 

_12:54pm._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'm at the store, give me food suggestions.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** mallomars

 

 **bestdad:** pizza rolls

 

 **sirsingalot:** toaster strudels

 

 **bestdad:** MALLOMARS ARE SO GOOD

 

 **bestdad:** i haven't had one in a long time

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** YES. Toaster strudels.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'll get all of that stuff.

 

 **bestdad:** cool!

 

\---

 

_1:02pm._

 

 **bestdad:** imonly 21 and fcuinkg@airplane take nap

 

 **darkstrangeson:** are you okay

 

 **bestdad:** FCUING ARIPLANE

 

\---

 

_3:03pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** virgil and i share one brain cell and thats why we're like that

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I can tell.

 

 **sirsingalot:** patton says its my turn to use the brain cell

 

 **darkstrangeson:** hold on i just got it ill give it back in a second god

 

 **sirsingalot:** wtf dude youve had it all day give it back or im telling patton

 

 **bestdad:** telling me what

 

 **bestdad:** oh

 

 **bestdad:** whats happening

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I have no idea.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ok fine you can have it but you have to charge it anyways

 

 **sirsingalot:** why do you even need it you act the same without it anyways

 

\---

 

_5:21pm._

 

 **bestdad:** steve harvey

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah

 

\---


	11. jingle juuls >:)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5:49am.
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad: that's the worst conversation i've ever seen thanks guys
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad changed sirsingalot's name to furry.
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> 7:34am.
> 
>  
> 
> furry: WHY ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back back back  
> back again  
> okay so let me explain myself! around the time i stopped writing this story (january or so) i was really trying to focus on school and colorguard but now it's summer!! which means i can upload alot  
> there is gonna be a time period in july of about three weeks where my upload schedule is gonna be messy due to guard and band camp :)  
> also one of the reasons i wanted to start writing this again is because i fell out of my uhhh "loop" and got inspired again somehow,,, prolly cause i read this whole thing the other day and i was like "dang this is funny"  
> SOOOO   
> comments and kudos are ALWAYS appreciated :) i'm glad to be back  
> \- sunlightszn

_ghost hunters_

 

_4:22am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yall we actually should do a ghost tour or smth

 

 **darkstrangeson:** so this chat name doesnt go to waste

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Why are you awake?

 

 **darkstrangeson:** why are /you/ awake

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Touché.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** But, yes; we should. It would be a good bonding experience.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah true

 

\---

 

_7:34am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** i LIVE

 

 **sirsingalot:** why were you two up so late

 

 **sirsingalot:** or early

 

 **sirsingalot:** im not sure which it is

 

 **sirsinglot:** maybe both

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah idk either

 

 **sirsingalot:** oh yes we should go on a ghost tour

 

 **darkstrangeson:** think theyve got one in st augustine?

 

 **sirsingalot:** yeah probz

 

 **darkstrangeson:** "probz" i-

 

 **sirsingalot:** LISTEN

 

 **sirsingalot:** MY BRAIN ISNT WORKING RIGHT NOW

 

 **darkstrangeson:** THATS WHAT THEY ALL SAY

 

 **darkstrangeson:** BITCH

 

 **bestdad:** NO SWEARING

 

 **bestdad:** NOT IN MY GOOD CATHOLIC HOUSEHOLD

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OH GOD

 

 **sirsingalot:** HOWD HE GET HERE SO FAST

 

 **bestdad:** DAD INSTINCTS

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WAIT DO YOU THINK LOGAN HAS INSTINCTS TOO

 

 **bestdad:** maybeeeee

 

 **sirsingalot:** let me try

 

 **sirsingalot:** ahem

 

 **sirsingalot:** guys i think that we just got another cat

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What?

 

 **bestdad:** HAHAHAHHA

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OH MY GOD

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WHAT?

 

 **sirsingalot:** IM PISSING MYSELF THAT COULDNT HAVE WORKED ANY BETTER

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Oh. I see what's happening.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** RUDE.

 

 **bestdad:** that's the funniest thing i've seen today

 

 **darkstrangeson:** it's only 8am

 

 **sirsingalot:** guys get in the car

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Wait, what? How'd you get dressed before all of us? Where are we going?

 

 **sirsingalot:** st augustine

 

 **bestdad:** oh cool let me get ready

 

 **bestdad:** done

 

 **darkstrangeson:** that was so fast

 

 **darkstrangeson:** im done too

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'm already outside.

 

 **bestdad:** HOW ARE WE ALL SO FAST

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i am speed

 

\---

 

_11:03am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** uhh we just got out of the car and i already lost patton

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** You what?

 

 **bestdad:** i'm lost guys

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i am also lost

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** dude

 

 **darkstrangeson:** patton

 

 **darkstrangeson:** to your left

 

 **bestdad:** HI VIRGIL

 

 **bestdad:** virgil and i are lost together

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Please, don't leave me alone with Roman.

 

 **sirsingalot:** HEY THATS MEAN

 

 **sirsingalot:** PATTON TELL HIM TO APOLOGIZE

 

 **bestdad:** i can't

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHY

 

 **bestdad:** he's my bf

 

 **sirsingalot:** THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Hehe.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i just bought a witchcraft book

 

 **bestdad:** it's pretty cool

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Sounds interesting.

 

 **sirsingalot:** i almost got hit by a horse

 

 **sirsingalot:** like a horse carriage almost crushed me

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I watched it happen.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** It was funny.

 

 **bestdad:** please don't let roman die

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I won't.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** kill him

 

 **sirsingalot:** WOW OK

 

 **darkstrangeson:** LMAO

 

 **bestdad:** VIRGIL'S ACTUALLY LAUGHING AHAHHA

 

 **sirsingalot:** im gonna die here with logan

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Just-

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Just follow me.

 

\---

 

_9:02pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** weve been here all day

 

 **sirsingalot:** is the ghost tour starting yet

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah soon

 

 **darkstrangeson:** hurry up

 

 **bestdad:** roman almost got crushed by a horse carriage again

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Good gracious.

 

\---

 

_10:37pm._

 

 **bestdad:** I JUST PEED MYSELF

 

 **bestdad:** LIKE A LITTLE BIT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHAT 

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHY

 

 **sirsingalot:** JUST LIKE WHEN I PEED MY PANTS DURING HIDE AND SEEK LAST YEAR

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WHAT HAPPENED?

 

 **bestdad:** I GOT SCARED BY THE GHOSTIES DSKGHDSJAKK

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OKAY LETS GO HOME NOW THATS ENOUGH FOR TODAY

 

 **bestdad:** I WANNA GO HOME

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** DID YOU ACTUALLY PEE?

 

 **bestdad:** YES WE NEED TO GO NOW

 

 **sirsingalot:** OH MY GOD GET IN THE CAR PATTON

 

 **bestdad:** OMG

 

\---

 

_1:56am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** ah

 

 **sirsingalot:** home sweet home

 

 **darkstrangeson:** am sleepy

 

 **sirsingalot:** then sleep

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i cannot believe we had a pair of pants and underwear in the car "just in case"

 

 **darkstrangeson:** like

 

 **darkstrangeson:** what sane person has that in their car

 

 **sirsingalot:** i mean it worked out well for us

 

 **sirsingalot:** and patton beCAUSE HE PEED HIS PANTS

 

 **darkstrangeson:** LOGANS CARRYING PATTON INSIDE I DID NOT KNOW HE HAD ANY STRENGTH IN HIS BODY

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **sirsingalot:** I D-

 

 **sirsingalot:** IM SO TIRED IM GOING TO BED

 

 **darkstrangeson:** GOODNIGHT

 

 **sirsingalot:** GOODNIGTHHT

 

\---

 

_7:45am._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I got a good nights rest, surprisingly.

 

 **sirsingalot:** same

 

 **darkstrangeson:** me too

 

 **bestdad:** me too

 

 **bestdad:** peeing your pants really takes a lot out of you

 

 **sirsingalot:** trust me i know the feeling

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Well, that means either Virgil or I is next in line for peeing our pants.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** is that a challenge

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ill pee my pants right now

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** No, no, no. Please don't.

 

 **sirsingalot:** do it

 

 **sirsingalot:** coward

 

 **bestdad:** virgil no

 

 **bestdad:** did anyone feed the fish

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i fed nontronee

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** [Sent a picture]

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Nontronee likes my room.

 

 **bestdad:** AW

 

 **sirsingalot:** WTF WHY DOESNT HE LIKE /MY/ ROOM

 

 **darkstrangeson:** CAUSE YOURE A DIRTY, STINKY MAN ROMAN

 

 **sirsingalot:** FUCK YOU EAT MY ASS

 

 **darkstrangeson:** NO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** I WILL NOT

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** No ass-eating.

 

 **bestdad:** says you

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What does that mean?

 

 **bestdad:** oh nothing

 

 **darkstrangeson:** EWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

 **sirsingalot:** WHAT THE FUCKKK EHWEWWEWW

 

 **sirsingalot:** THATS GRODY

 

 **darkstrangeson:** HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME READ THAT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

 

 **darkstrangeson:** PATTON YOU MONSTER

 

 **bestdad:** HAHAHAHAH

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'm so confused. I'm going to feed the fish.

 

 **sirsingalot:** OK

 

\---

 

_9:56am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yall wanna go see a movie

 

 **bestdad:** Y E S

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** We have money for that?

 

 **sirsingalot:** probably not

 

 **darkstrangeson:** eh it's fine we all have jobs anyways right

 

 **bestdad:** yeah

 

 **sirsingalot:** no

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** yeah

 

 **darkstrangeson:** roman why dont you have a job

 

 **sirsingalot:** theater

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ohhh 

 

 **bestdad:** what movie are we seeing

 

 **darkstrangeson:** what do you want to see

 

 **sirsingalot:** I WANNA SEE TOY STORY 4

 

 **bestdad:** OH YEAH LET'S SEE THAT

 

 **sirsingalot:** OH YEAH BIG BOYS TIME TO GO

 

 **darkstrangeson:** STOP WITH THE BIG BOYS

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Please. For the love of all things holy.

 

 **sirsingalot:** NO

 

 **sirsingalot:** but yes toy story

 

 **darkstrangeson:** okok we'll go at 4:00

 

\---

 

_3:45pm._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you guys ready??

 

 **bestdad:** yeah

 

 **sirsingalot** : can emile and remy come??

 

 **sirsingalot** : emiles gonna kill me if he cant

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : I don't see why not. Just tell Remy not to bother me.

 

 **bestdad** : he's definitely gonna bother you

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Yeah, I know.

 

 **sirsingalot** : okay okay theyll meet us there

 

 **darkstrangeson** : cool cool

 

 **darkstrangeson** : lets go

 

\---

 

_6:23pm._

 

 **bestdad** : im cry

 

 **sirsingalot** : im cry

 

 **darkstrangeson** : im cry

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : I'm not.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : Why are you crying?

 

 **sirsingalot** : movie good

 

 **bestdad** : me likey

 

 **darkstrangeson** : yes ooga

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : You all sound like cavemen.

 

 **sirsingalot** : the caveman JUMPED out :*

 

 **darkstrangeson** : literally shut up

 

 **bestdad** : yeah >:(

 

 **bestdad** : just kidding that was mean

 

 **MicrosoftNerd** : I'm gonna go read or something.

 

\---

 

_3:08am._

 

 **darkstrangeson** : i have the sudden urge to just play the piano

 

 **sirsingalot** : go for it

 

 **sirsingalot** : i have a piano in my room

 

 **darkstrangeson** : i am coming over immediately

 

 **sirsingalot** : oh hewwo vwiwgwil owo

 

 **darkstrangeson** : i am leaving immediately

 

\---

 

_5:49am._

 

 **bestdad** : that's the worst conversation i've ever seen thanks guys

 

_bestdad changed sirsingalot's name to furry._

 

_\---_

 

_7:34am._

 

 **furry:** WHY ME


	12. krazy kockz B)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MicrosoftNerd: THERE ARE BURN MARKS ON THE CEILING.
> 
>  
> 
> MicrosoftNerd: HOW BIG WAS THE FIRE?
> 
>  
> 
> darkstrangeson: okay its not as bad as it looks
> 
>  
> 
> bestdad: well,,
> 
>  
> 
> iamweak: how is this not as bad as it looks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the positive feedback on my return !! :) it's really good to be back <3 i don't really have much to say for this chapter except i'm trying to get back in the chaotic loop of things to bear with me pff-
> 
> also it's pretty much just a filler chapter!!
> 
> comments and kudos are ALWAYS appreciated ! i love you guys :) <3
> 
> \- sunlightszn

_ghost hunters_

 

_6:23pm._

 

 **furry:** can i please change my name

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** No.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Now you feel my pain. Remember "Butterboy", Roman? How about "PocketProtector"? This is my revenge. My sweet, sweet revenge.

 

 **furry:** dear god dude

 

 **furry:** you werent even the one to change my name

 

 **furry:** patton was

 

 **furry:** and now that im thinking about it

 

 **furry:** where did patton find out what a furry was

 

 **furry:** i didnt tell him this time

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I thought everybody knew what a furry was.

 

 **bestdad:** yeah Roman i'm not stupid you silly goose

 

 **furry:** PATTON YOURE HERE

 

 **furry:** give me permission to change my name

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you do realize /you/ can change it right

 

 **furry:** yes but i feel like its illegal if i do it without permission

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Patton, dear. Say no. Please.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I beg of you.

 

 **bestdad:** THEN BEG

 

 **furry:** I-

 

 **darkstrangeson:** HAHAHAHA

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Wha-

 

 **furry:** THE ENERGY THAT CARRIED

 

 **furry:** HES TOO POWERFUL

 

 **bestdad:** Roman you aren't allowed to change your name

 

 **darkstrangeson:**  well

 

 **darkstrangeson:** pattons word is LAW

 

 **furry:** FUCK

 

 **furry:** I DONT WANT THIS NAME ANYMORE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Sucks to suck I guess.

 

 **furry:** HOW DARE YOU

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Patton and I are going to get ice cream and you two aren't invited.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** thats fair

 

 **furry:** NO ITS NOT

 

 **furry:** I WANT ICE CREAM

 

 **darkstrangeson:** do you realize how much of a toddler you sound like right now roman

 

 **furry:** FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT

 

 **darkstrangeson:** SUCK IT ROMAN YOURE DUMB

 

 **furry:** NO IM NOT EAT MY ASS

 

 **bestdad:** children please

 

 **darkstrangeson:** IM GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS

 

 **furry:** DO IT YOU WONT YOU LITTLE BITCH

 

 **bestdad:** children

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Oh, great.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHERE ARE YOU ROMAN

 

 **darkstrangeson:** IM GONNA BREAK YOUR LEG

 

 **furry:** YOU ARENT STRONG ENOUGH MR BEANPOLE

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WOW OKAY 

 

 **darkstrangeson:** LETS TEST THAT THEORY LETS GO YOU FUCKFACE

 

 **bestdad:** CHILDREN

 

 **darkstrangeson:** w H A T

 

 **furry:** PATTON IM BUSY PROVING MY STRENGTH

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** To whom?

 

 **furry:** THE GODS

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT

 

 **bestdad:** beat him up virgil

 

 **furry:** PATTON HOW DARE YOU

 

 **furry:** BETRAYED BY ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Yeah, beat his ass.

 

 **furry:** FUCK YOU GUYS

 

 **furry:** virgils being awfully quiet now

 

 **darkstrangeson:** behind you

 

 **furry:** behind me?

 

 **furry:** OH FUCKKC

 

 **bestdad:** and that's our cue to leave, logan

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Alright!

 

 **furry:** DOTN LEAVE ME GUFSY

 

 **bestdad:** goodluck Roman!

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** My condolences, Roman.

 

\---

 

_7:42pm._

 

_furry changed their name to iamweak._

 

 **bestdad:** oh??

 

 **bestdad:** you okay kiddo??

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Good god, man.

 

 **iamweak:** HE WOULDNT LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL I ADMITTED HE WAS STRONGER AND I CHANGED MY NAME TO THIS

 

 **darkstrangeson:** to be fair you fought back more than i thought you would

 

 **iamweak:** oh gee thanks that really helps right now

 

 **bestdad:** we just got home!!

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Please tell me nothing broke while we were gone.

 

 **iamweak:** maybe my wHOLE BODY

 

 **iamweak:** besides that no

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ekekeekek

 

 **darkstrangeson:** patton will you help me feed myself and roman

 

 **iamweak:** wow 

 

 **iamweak:** he beats me up

 

 **iamweak:** and now he wants to make me dinner

 

 **iamweak:** what a man

 

 **darkstrangeson:** shut up weakling

 

 **bestdad:** yeah i'll help!

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Please, don't burn down the house. Just don't set fire to anything in general, actually.

 

 **iamweak:** they probably will

 

 **iamweak:** im gonna go take a shower and try to massage my bRUISED BODY THANKS VIRGIL

 

 **darkstrangeson:** youre absolutely welcome

 

 **iamweak:** :gun:

 

 **darkstrangeson:** :eyes:

 

 **bestdad:** vIRGIL COmE heRe

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ComING

 

\---

 

_8:23pm._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Hey, guys?

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What the FUCK-

 

 **bestdad:** haha yeah????

 

 **darkstrangeson:** whats troubling you sir

 

 **iamweak:** uh oh

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What did I tell you not to do?

 

**bestdad:**

 

**darkstrangeson:**

 

**iamweak:**

 

 **bestdad:** set fire to something

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** And what did you do?

 

**darkstrangeson:**

 

 **darkstrangeson:** we uh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** we made dinner-

 

**MicrosoftNerd:**

 

**bestdad:**

 

**iamweak:**

 

**darkstrangeson:**

 

 **bestdad:** and set fire to part of the kitchen

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** THERE ARE BURN MARKS ON THE CEILING.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** HOW BIG WAS THE FIRE?

 

 **darkstrangeson:** okay its not as bad as it looks

 

 **bestdad:** well,,

 

 **iamweak:** how is this not as bad as it looks

 

 **darkstrangeson:** OKAY SO WHAT THE FIRE REACHED THE CEILING FOR A MOMENT

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** IT /WHAT/?

 

 **bestdad:** it reached the ceiling for a second

 

 **iamweak:** no-

 

 **iamweak:** you know what nevermind

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WHAT WERE YOU EVEN MAKING?

 

 **bestdad:** um

 

 **darkstrangeson:** haha eehhh

 

 **iamweak:** pancakes

 

 **iamweak:** they were making pancakes

 

 **iamweak:** i watched the whole thing happen

 

 **iamweak:** they both didnt scream

 

 **iamweak:** they just stood there aND WATCHED AS THE FIRE TOUCHED THE CEILING AND ALMOST BURNED THEM ALIVE

 

 **bestdad:** LISTEN WE PANICKED

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WHY DO I LIVE WITH YOU PEOPLE? YOU'RE ALL HAZARDS TO SOCIETY.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** ROMAN GOT ARRESTED FOR A SHREK PLUSHIE, PATTON TRIED TO MAKE RAMEN IN THE COFFEE MAKER, AND NOW THIS.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** YOU GUYS NEED TO CHILL.

 

 **iamweak:** hEY YOURE THE ONE WHOS YELLING

 

 **bestdad:** NOW YOURE YELLING

 

 **darkstrangeson:** EVERYBODYS YELLING

 

 **bestdad:** AHHHHH

 

 **bestdad:** STOP YELLING GUYS

 

 **darkstrangeson:** NO YOU STOP

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** STOP, PLEASE. DEAR GOD.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I'M GOING TO MY ROOM TO LAY DOWN AND THINK ABOUT MY LIFE CHOICES.

 

 **bestdad:** i am also going to your room to keep you company

 

 **iamweak:** ugh guess its just me and you virgil

 

 **iamweak:** virgil

 

 **iamweak:** rude

 

\---

 

_1:02am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** whats that noise

 

 **iamweak:** what noise

 

 **darkstrangeson:** listen

 

 **iamweak:** OH

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WAIT A SECOND

 

 **darkstrangeson:** f-

 

 **darkstrangeson:** forget i said anything

 

 **iamweak:** GLADLY

 

\---

 

_7:45am._

 

 **bestdad:** hey logan look virgil and roman are passed out on the floor together

 

 **bestdad:** wait

 

 **bestdad:** why are they on the floor

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** There's not even blankets or pillows. What?

 

 **bestdad:** livin the sweet life i guess

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I suppose?

 

\---

 

_10:06am._

 

 **iamweak:** why am i on the floor

 

 **iamweak:** oh hi virgil

 

 **iamweak:** wait why is virgil on the floor

 

 **iamweak:** what happened

 

 **bestdad:** i literally do not know

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** We just left you guys there.

 

 **iamweak:** yeah ill just stay here until virgil wakes up i guess

 

\---

 

_11:34am._

 

 **bestdad:** WHO SCREAMED

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** VIRGIL DID.

 

 **bestdad:** IS HE OKAY

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** OH, GOD. NOW ROMAN'S SCREAMING.

 

 **bestdad:** I'M HERE

 

 **bestdad:** THEY'RE JUST SCREAMING AT EACHOTHER

 

\---

 

_12:09pm._

 

 **iamweak:** IT WAS SCARY OKAY

 

 **iamweak:** I FELL ASLEEP AGAIN

 

 **iamweak:** AND WOKE UP TO VIRGIL SCREAMING AT ME

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WELL IM SORRY I WASNT EXPECTING TO ROLL OVER

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ON THE FLOOR

 

 **darkstrangeson:** AND BE THREE MILLIMETERS FROM YOUR FACE

 

 **iamweak:** HEY IT COULDNT HAVE BEEN THAT BAD

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WELL MAYBE IF I WAS EXPECTING THAT IT WOULDNT BE BAD

 

 **bestdad:** CHILDREN PLEASE STOP YELLING

 

 **bestdad:** EAT SOME CEREAL OR SOMETHING

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** It's noon.

 

 **bestdad:** so??

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** It's lunchtime.

 

 **bestdad:** any time is cereal time

 

 **iamweak:** yeah pattons right

 

 **bestdad:** aw thank you Roman

 

 **iamweak:** no problem padre

 

 **darkstrangeson:** cer ea l

 

 **bestdad:** do you want me to make you some cereal

 

 **darkstrangeson:** y iss

 

 **iamweak** changed their name to sirsingalot.

 

 **sirsingalot:** ah

 

 **sirsingalot:** thats better

 

 **darkstrangeson:** coward

 

 **sirsingalot:** paRDON ME??

 

 **darkstrangeson:** COWARD

 

 **bestdad:** ARGUE IN REAL LIFE YOU'RE SPAMMING THE GROUPCHAT

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Please, I'm trying to read.

 

\---

 

_5:34pm._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** lets watch all the shrek movies again

 

 **sirsingalot:** of course

 

 **bestdad:** PLEASE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Eh, why not?

 

\---

 

_8:59pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** i never realized how many shrek movies there are

 

\---

 

_11:23pm._

 

 **bestdad:** [sent a picture]

 

 **bestdad:** check them out logan >:)))

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Aw.

 

 **bestdad:** falling asleep cuddling with eachother after watching all of the shrek movies??

 

 **bestdad:** romantic

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Wanna do it

 

 **bestdad:** yah

 

\---

 

_3:08am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** FUCK YOU


	13. lovely losers //

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MicrosoftNerd: Do you want me to pour you a bowl of cereal?
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: yeah sure
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: just please dont put any glitter in it haha
> 
>  
> 
> \---
> 
>  
> 
> 7:56am.
> 
>  
> 
> sirsingalot: he put glitter in my fucking cereal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi fellas! band/guard camp is rapidly approaching so i may or may not die these next three week but we'll see :))
> 
> got on saber line for marching band and honestly cannot wait for our show to come together !!!!
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated <3
> 
> -sunlightszn

_ghost hunters_

 

_3:34pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** how dare you humiliate virgil and i like that

 

 **sirsingalot:** i trusted you patton

 

 **sirsingalot:** how could you

 

 **darkstrangeson:** yeah patton

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you stinky man

 

 **bestdad:** i regret nothing

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I think it was quite a nice, pure moment.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** no it wasnt

 

 **darkstrangeson:** :gun:

 

 **bestdad:** oh god Logan he's got a gun get down

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I don't fear death.

 

 **sirsingalot:** wow

 

_sirsingalot changed the chat name to logan sucks._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** WOW.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** hey guys

 

 **bestdad:** hi

 

 **sirsingalot:** hey

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Hello.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** no-

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i-

 

 **bestdad:** >:)

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you know when my mom called me a couple weeks ago or so

 

 **sirsingalot:** oh

 

 **sirsingalot:** yes?

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** I do.

 

 **bestdad:** yeah

 

 **darkstrangeson:** well

 

 **darkstrangeson:** er

 

 **sirsingalot:** you alright pal

 

 **darkstrangeson:** no

 

 **bestdad:** what's the matter????

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** What happened?

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ack sorry im nervous

 

 **bestdad:** it's alright

 

 **darkstrangeson:** okay so

 

 **darkstrangeson:** my family's not the richest family in the world

 

 **darkstrangeson:** and my mom was gonna pay for my tuition but

 

 **darkstrangeson:** she cant afford it and i dont make enough money to pay for myself

 

 **darkstrangeson:** so idk what to do because i dont have a scholarship or anything

 

 **darkstrangeson:** is it too late to get a scholarship

 

 **darkstrangeson:** im freakin out man

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Woah, woah, woah. Stay calm.

 

 **bestdad:** virgil we can help

 

 **sirsingalot:** yeah i can get a job and help too

 

 **sirsingalot:** ill just perform at less shows

 

 **darkstrangeson:** no you guys dont have to

 

 **darkstrangeson:** its my problem not anyone elses

 

 **bestdad:** we want to help though!!

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Precisely. We would be awful friends if we didn't.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** It /is/ also possible to get a scholarship in college still.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Don't fret. We can help you.

 

 **sirsingalot:** yeah virgil seriously we dont mind

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i feel bad though

 

 **bestdad:** don't feel bad, okay??

 

 **bestdad:** it's not your fault that this is happening Virgil

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i know

 

 **darkstrangeson:** im going to take a nap or something

 

 **sirsingalot:** alright

 

 **sirsingalot:** feel better??

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ill try

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** You'll be fine, Virgil. I can assure you of that.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** thanks

 

\---

 

_7:34pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** hey guys i got a job

 

 **bestdad:** that was scarily fast

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** How?

 

 **sirsingalot:** im very handsome

 

 **bestdad:** what

 

 **sirsingalot:** i said what i said

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Um.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Anyways.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Where are you working?

 

 **sirsingalot:** a florist shop thing

 

 **bestdad:** OH WOW FLOWERS

 

 **bestdad:** BRING ME SOME SO I CAN GIVE THEM TO LOGAN

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Thanks.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Also, why did they take you so quickly?

 

 **sirsingalot:** well you see

 

 **sirsingalot:** the guy working was emile

 

 **sirsingalot:** so i asked if i could work there

 

 **sirsingalot:** and he said yes

 

 **sirsingalot:** like

 

 **sirsingalot:** without questioning it

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Do you even know /anything/ about flowers?

 

 **bestdad:** aw cmon Logan

 

 **bestdad:** have some hope for Roman here

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** No.

 

 **sirsingalot:** no hes right i know nothing about flowers

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Luckily for you, I have a bunch of books about botany. You can borrow them for now.

 

 **sirsingalot:** ewwwww i dont wanna study botany

 

 **bestdad:** buddy

 

 **bestdad:** you volunteered for a job you know nothing about

 

 **bestdad:** i think you might wanna study

 

 **sirsingalot:** ughhhhhhhhhhh

 

 **sirsingalot:** fine

 

 **sirsingalot:** for virgil!

 

 **sirsingalot:** and also cause patton told me to

 

\---

 

_10:09pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** virgil are you alive

 

 **darkstrangeson:** no

 

 **sirsingalot:** oh ok

 

\---

 

_1:32am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** thanks you guys

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i really appreciate even if you guys are a bunch of morons for helping me :)

 

 **bestdad:** aw

 

 **bestdad:** ouch??

 

 **darkstrangeson:** not you patton

 

 **darkstrangeson:** youre a good guy

 

 **bestdad:** :) <3!!!!

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wait why are you awake

 

 **bestdad:** oh i'm baking

 

 **darkstrangeson:** its 1:30 in the morning

 

 **darkstrangeson:** w h y

 

 **bestdad:** i'm under a bit of stress

 

 **bestdad:** and before you ask

 

 **bestdad:** it's not because of you

 

 **darkstrangeson:** is it becau-

 

 **darkstrangeson:** oh ok

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wanna talk about it

 

 **bestdad:** when i'm done

 

 **bestdad:** which is soon

 

 **darkstrangeson:** alright

 

\---

 

_7:46am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** virgil i got a job are you proud of me

 

 **darkstrangeson:** youre just lucky that emile was there

 

 **sirsingalot:** well its a job so

 

 **darkstrangeson:** you really didnt have to get a job to help

 

 **sirsingalot:** it would be mean if i didnt

 

 **darkstrangeson:** it would be understandable

 

 **sirsingalot:** no

 

 **sirsingalot:** just let me help you dummy

 

 **darkstrangeson:** urgh

 

 **darkstrangeson:** why are you so stubborn

 

 **sirsingalot:** because

 

 **darkstrangeson:** wow that really clears it up thanks for that 

 

 **sirsingalot:** youre welcome B)

 

\---

 

_9:23am._

 

 **bestdad:** WHO

 

 **bestdad:** ATE

 

 **bestdad:** THE

 

 **bestdad:** REST

 

 **bestdad:** OF

 

 **bestdad:** THE

 

 **bestdad:** CAKE

 

 **bestdad:** I

 

 **bestdad:** MADE

 

 **bestdad:** LAST

 

 **bestdad:** NIGHT

 

 **MicrosoftNerd.** Uh oh.

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Well, it wasn't me.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i havent eaten today

 

 **bestdad:** ok well go have some cereal i don't want you to get sick or lightheaded

 

 **bestdad:** wait

 

 **bestdad:** R O M A N

 

 **sirsingalot:** please don't hurt me

 

 **bestdad:** oh i won't hurt you

 

 **sirsingalot:** then why is someonE SPRINTING TOWARDS MY ROOM

 

 **darkstrangeson:** dear god

 

 **sirsingalot:** LOGAN NO PLEASE HAVE MERYC ON EMGE

 

\---

 

_10:01pm._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** The deed is done.

 

 **bestdad:** thanks love <3

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** You're welcome.

 

 **sirsingalot:** HOW DARE YOU

 

 **sirsingalot:** HOW DARE YOU BOND OVER MY PAIN

 

 **darkstrangeson:** WHAT DID HE DO

 

 **sirsingalot:** LETS JUST SAY

 

 **sirsingalot:** NOW IM SITTING IN MY ROOM

 

 **sirsingalot:** AND THERE IS GLITTER

 

 **sirsingalot:** EVERYWHERE

 

 **bestdad:** HAHAHAHAH

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** To be fair, it /is/ a lot of glitter.

 

 **darkstrangeson:** GIRL I-

 

 **darkstrangeson:** ROMAN I NEED TO SEE THIS

 

 **sirsingalot:** NO DONT COME IN DONT CO-

 

 **bestdad:** ah

 

 **bestdad:** sweet revenge

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** That was satisfactory.

 

\---

 

_1:43pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** no matter how much virgil and i clean

 

 **sirsingalot:** no matter how many times we vacuum

 

 **sirsingalot:** the glitter will not leave

 

 **bestdad:** i feel like i should feel bad but i actually think this is kinda funny

 

 **bestdad:** sorry Roman

 

 **sirsingalot:** betrayed by the one i thought i could trust

 

\---

 

_9:56pm._

 

 **sirsingalot:** i lay down to get ready for bed

 

 **sirsingalot:** and i find glitter

 

 **sirsingalot:** IN MY PILLOWCASE

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** HAHA

 

\---

 

_1:09am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i just applied for like 2395972 different scholarships

 

\---

 

_3:21am._

 

 **darkstrangeson:** i am scared

 

\---

 

_5:34am._

 

 **bestdad:** i just had a dream we were all random teenaged girls except virgil??? he was a boy but he was still a teenager???

 

 **bestdad:** i woke up in a cold sweat

 

\---

 

_7:45am._

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** That's my worst nightmare.

 

 **sirsingalot:** turning into teenaged girls?

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Yes.

 

 **sirsingalot:** thats fair

 

 **MicrosoftNerd:** Do you want me to pour you a bowl of cereal?

 

 **sirsingalot:** yeah sure

 

 **sirsingalot:** just please dont put any glitter in it haha

 

\---

 

_7:56am._

 

 **sirsingalot:** he put glitter in my fucking cereal


End file.
